Silenced (teacherxstudent) (bxb)

Day 2: continued

Mr Salem was looking down to his hands. He sat still except his breathing and his fingers which he slowly traced the lines of his palms with. He was clearly now uncomfortable. It put me on edge.

I processed his words. He was gay. A glimpse of hope messed with my brain and all colours became brighter.

It didn't last. He was still my teacher and still wouldn't think twice about me in any other way than a just another annoying student.

The room grew duller than ever except Mr Salem; he stayed his normal seemingly colourless self.

He was oblivious to my silent emotional breakdown but remained slumped over. I felt for him in a strange way. He had told me something pretty personal and he was probably regretting it while I said nothing. There wasn't anything to say really but I had to find something.

"How did you deal with it?" I watched him closely.

"I..." he started, looking back up to me "I got a boyfriend and tried some things out, explored it with someone who was more sure. I was lucky though as not many have that opportunity."

He was being vulnerable. He was telling me private information and he was doing it for my benefit!

He was right: I needed to explore my sexuality and explore it with someone who is more certain. I needed someone to talk to that could give me answers and show me things that would help me. I needed a boyfriend.

"I think you're right. That would help but there isn't anyone that I know, except you now, that's interested in men." I sighed.

"Just have a look around and see what happens. Don't be afraid to talk to people." He paused, stood up and headed back to his desk. "You should probably go otherwise you will miss lunch." He quickly unlocked the door and opened it for me.

I stood, collected my things, and made my way out to the stairwell.

Just as I opened the door to go down the stairs, Mr Salem spoke one last time.

"Matt... you can always come and talk to me" he smiled.

I nodded and turned to walk away.

Cheesy line but I might just take him up on it.

-

The teachers let us out a couple of minutes early to run to form and grab some letters. I sprinted up and back down the stairs to shoot out of school as quickly as possible.

Once home, I greeted my mum and went to my room to do 'homework'. I got out my art book and laid it out on the floor with all my supplies. Quick escape. I then pulled out some clean clothes and pulled off my uniform. I hopped into bed and whipped off my boxers.

My hands moved quickly. I had to squeeze my jaw tightly to not let out a yelp. I grabbed the tissue ready. I decided to test myself. Just as I reached my limit, I stopped and breathed. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. This wasn't helping. I was just aching to be touched again. I was close. Giving in, I slowly rubbed. Softly. I then pressed harder. Wrapping my hands back around myself, I squeezed gently and slid up and down. I couldn't wait any longer so I held the tissue in place and let the chemicals flow.

I lay breathing deeply for a minute. I had kept him out of my head as much as possible since lunch but the last few minutes' happening had made his words and his picture swirl like mad on my head. I was becoming dizzy both from him and the pleasure that I had caused myself.

It wasn't long before dinner was ready and my sister and I were called from our rooms to the table. I jumped jumped up and piled on my clothes. We joined my mum and my dad for dinner.

Dinner in our house was actually pretty cool; we would discuss the day, the  current happenings, the past, the future and anything else. We were a strong family that got on well and we knew almost everything about each other. The one thing they didn't know for sure was that I was gay.

As a kid, my family always acknowledged the fact that my sister and I could turn out to be transgender or gay or anything else to do with that. They let us wear what we wanted without shame, they let us get whatever toys we wanted, called us what we wanted and always listens to what we had to say. For example, I could be playing with dolls and I could have two male dolls and say that they were getting married and no one really cared. Not only that but my sister and I were made aware from a young age that people could be in love with any other person or they might not ever fall in love, people could have sex with other people or they could never have sex. People are different and that is a good thing.

My family is great!

I toyed with the idea of casually bring up my gayness over dinner. It seemed like a good time but I wasn't even sure what I was so was it the best idea to tell them yet? I wasn't sure but I did it anyway!

When mum brought out the dessert, I looked to my family with a smile before speaking.

"Um. I have something to tell you guys." They all looked up at me so I continued "I... I'm gay"

"Ok Matt. You know that we don't really care as long as you're a good person." Said mum.

"Ok son. Who's the lucky man?" Asked dad with a cheeky smile.

"Cool. I have a gay brother!" Said Holly. She's only 10.

"Thanks mum, no one yet dad and yes Holly" I chuckled. I loved them.

I was glad to have told them but one question remained: why had I told Mr Salem first?

A/n
Hey!
Thanks for reading.
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Until next time...