Scotland

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Scotland

I see his blue eyes. Those blue eyes I've longed to see. His luscious blonde curls I love to have my hands run through. I see his beautiful smile and hear his laugh. One that I haven't heard in quite a long time.
Too long.
I love those features,
I love him,
I miss him.

I jump up from my slumber in a cold sweet. It felt like he was really there it felt all so real. But then I realized it was just a horrible dream. My precious Francis to call him horrible, no never. But the dream of feeling him was.

It was taunting me.

My heart aches as I recall the dream. Tears brim my eyes and a lump in my throat. It's been 8 months since his passing and it still feels like it occurred yesterday. They all told me with time it gets better but no it doesn't, it never will. As I sit there recalling my husband the only man I truly loved with all my heart I put a hand to my stomach and looked down.

There, were a child made home of. Where I bare my child, his child, our child. Yes with child I think, I recall the last time I was with Francis in the lake where we had a magnificent time. In the water swimming and splashing, in the grass where we laid and talked about our life together. The day that was like a dream, that day was like
Magic.

A dream that turned into a nightmare.
A Magic that disappeared.

I think back if I hadn't stopped that day would he still be here, would he still be by my side and I by his. I don't know but I regret stopping. I'd still have my husband and we'd still be happily in love. But everyone I meet says it was fate. Maybe it was,
maybe it wasn't.

Maybe it was a curse.

As I dress I think of how am I to have this child without no one knowing of it. Just then Bash walks into my room.

"Good morning Mary"

"Good morning Bash"

He stares at me with his eyes squinted.

"Are you alright Mary, you seem like you've seen a ghost"
(Pun intended 😏)

I look away from him. He always knows what I'm thinking he's a great friend.

"Mary" he says knowing there's something up.

"Mary what did you see"
I take a deep breath

"I saw him" I said wearily

"Who"

"Him"

"Mary who did you see" he said louder

I turn to him with tears in my eyes
"I saw him, Bash! I saw Francis, he was in my dream" I screamed back.
Tears start rolling down my face
"It felt so real" I say whimpering

He sighs, he goes to the window and looks out. "I don't know to tell you Mary. I miss him too. I feel like I can hear him call out my name and I turn around thinking maybe, just maybe it's actually him" Bash looks down at his hands " I turn thinking it could be him but, but I turn back disappointed every damn time"

The tears keep flowing down my cheeks. Because I can relate so much. I too have done that many times, hearing him call for me, sometimes it's like I feel his presence.

"I know bash, me too. I'm sorry I yelled"

"It's okay Mary I understand your sad and with child, your moods are changing" he smiles

"Mhm I know" I hold my growing belly

"Do you know how much longer, because soon someone will find out. There starting to believe your with child or you are dying because you haven't come out in months" he tells me

"Bash I know, I don't ahhhhahaaa" I screamed

Bash runs to me "Mary what's wrong"

""Ahaha I,I,I ahahah" I'm whimpering

"Mary talk to me" bash says

"The child's coming" I scream feeling it push down inside of me and water spills down my legs.

"Bash help" I say as I black out from the pain.

~20 minutes later~

I wake up in a dim room. Everything I see is with a blur and I hear voices

"M" I hear

I look as my eyes go into focus I see bash next to me

"Bash, bash what's happening" I say frantically

"M be quiet, their helping you but they don't know who you are. Keep quiet"

I nod

"Hello Emma, I'm olive" an older lady says

"Hello" I whispered back

The pain was happening again, I screamed. "Ladies it's happening" olive yelled

"Emma we need you to push" someone said
"Aaahhh" I pushed
"Again"
"Aaahhh" I pushed again and again and again what felt like hours.

Until I heard a little cry.
"Oh look at this beautiful baby" olive said.

"Great job M" bash said stroking my arm.

"It's a, it's a, Son" one said

"Congratulations you have a son" she said

I was breathless, and tired but my heart ached for him.

"WAIT! THERES ONE MORE" One lady yells
I feel it the child coming out
I scream out in pain again
"PUSH EMMA, PUSH"
I push and push with all my strength, for me, for Francis and for my child
Then comes a cry, another cry.

"Oh my lord" olive whimpers

"What is it" Bash yells

Olive looks " Nothing sir, but congratulations on such a strong woman you have, and these beautiful children, may god be with you"

She looks at me " Emma your a strong women, god truly did bless you".

I look at her weakly and nod. Yes, god did bless me a cursive life. Even though I have my beloved children I know their not safe.

I was given my daughter and son.
"Congratulations Miss, a boy and a girl" a young girl in the background says. I look down at my children, my handsome son & my beautiful daughter and they start to open their eyes and then my breath hitches in my throat.

As I look into their eyes I see their  father.

Their eyes were as blue as the ocean as clear as the sky.

Just like Francis.

And then I cried. I cried with all of my heart. I cried with all of my body
I cried with all of me.
For my husband and our children. And that's when I knew it they weren't safe.
Ever.

My Anne and James had to get out of
Scotland.

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