Love That Monsta HXTER (ENGLISH VERSION) [2nd Tome]

Chapter 30 [END] (Version 1)

** There are two versions of the 30th chapter!! The first one is the sad ending and the second one, the happy ending. You can choose to read only one or both, but I wanted everyone to be happy ^^ Enjoy! **

*POV of Jooheon*

This hospital reminded me of the bad memories of my last stay. The smell made me want to vomit. Not just the smell actually.

I saw the doctor walking towards us. He shook his head and beckoned us to the place where Ha Neul was laying.

I sat next to her on the bed. In vain, I shook her, told her to open her eyes, to wake up, she was completely inert. It was not possible. She had no right to leave me in such a situation. It was selfish, heartless. She had saved my life at the expense of hers and I didn't want to accept it. I would have preferred to die instead of her. Why should she suffer by my fault? I had not had time to say thank you. Even if I did it now, would she hear it? What had taken her to throw herself at me like that? I didn't deserve it after what I did to her. No last goodbye, no last I love you, no last kiss, no last everything, in fact. I regretted so much. How could I continue to live without her?

I kept shaking her body, shouting to her to wake up, that her life was far to be over.

Minhyuk: Stop Jooheon... It's useless, she's already gone...

Me: No! No...

I wanted to cry. Cry like an 8-year-old kid. But no tears dared to go out. I needed to exteriorize all this but I couldn't do it.

The doctor entered the room.

Doctor: I'm sorry. We did what we could, but she had already succumbed to her wound in the ambulance. You can bid farewell here. It will be quieter than at the funeral parlor. And also, we can't keep her forever in this room.

I let the guys say goodbye first. I knew I might stay there longer.

One after the other, they went out red-eyed. I kept my eyes fixed on the ground until my turn came.

Again, I sat down beside her and took her hand. She wouldn't come back, I knew it. Yet my mind couldn't help but keep hope. I glued my head to her chest and heard only the absence of the beating of her heart now stopped forever. I kissed her on the forehead and then stared at her for a long while. These beautiful features that I will see again only in pictures.

Me: Ha Neul... why?

I put my forehead against hers. Her body was already beginning to cool down.

Me: Why... WHY?

I wanted to break everything in this room, anger was bubbling in me.

Me: If you knew how I would like everything to start over. How I wish I had never taken this f**king break. But I was so frightened by the marriage, I didn't know how to react then the only way I found to escape was to run away, to flee the problem. And that's where it led me. You died without knowing how much I love you. Without knowing how you counted for me, how I needed you, how you were the reason for my smile, my happiness, my love for life. If I could back up the time, I would accept without hesitation that we get married. But when you don't know the future, it's easy to make decisions in a hurry.

Here a few tears escaped. It was similar to Niagara's falls. No kidding.

I lied down beside her for the last time. Never again will I feel her warm body against mine.

Before leaving, while the doctor kept repeating to me that it has been already an hour that I should have left, I laid the last kiss of her existence on her sweet lips now cold and soulless.

I left the hospital without knowing where to go. I didn't want to find myself familiar with all these things that would remind me of Ha Neul. I wanted to keep on living for a short moment as if she were still alive, in the dormitory or elsewhere, enjoying the life that she was destined to live.

I sat on the bank of a river, unable, in spite of myself, to refrain from rethinking about the last events. Cho Hae was going to court. She would be under close supervision till then. I knew that she would have practically nothing if not some community work. Simply because she was crazy. She was crazy so she didn't act like a person of good mental health would act. But you know what? I say she should go to jail. That's all she deserves. As much as she wanted to take my life, she took the life of the person who counted the most for me in this world. It's even worse, I think. The therapy that she did didn't change her at all, if it didn't make her worse.

I stretched out on the grass to observe the sky. I knew that somewhere up there she would watch over me.

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The door was completely blocked. We were trying to get out, but the crowd of fans outside prevented us from going. A man behind us motioned us to follow him.

Man: I never do that, but this one is rather special. This door really serves for emergencies only. I believe that we have one right here.

He laughed a little and I admired his courage to laugh in such a situation.

The driver brought the two cars to the back and we got in in a hurry before the fans joined us here. I watched, behind my tinted window, six men carrying the coffin of my girlfriend. Cars started. I sat low in my bench not to see the crowd of people outside.

The cemetery was 20 minutes away. When I saw it in the distance, I had a squeeze. It has been only four days and already, the lack that she created in my life invaded me. Obviously, they obligated me to follow a 3-month therapy. For Ha Neul, but for Cho Hae as well. And especially because I continued to carry her death on my back. I felt so bad towards her father. He hadn't talked to her that day. I took his daughter away for my own life. That's what this therapy would do for me. Just undo my remorse.

The ceremony went quite well. It was pretty private. A few people attended. Only the closest to her. Her family, the people of the agency, her group and Monsta X.

As they lowered the coffin into the ground, I turned my back and watched the cars pass.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

?: You don't have to worry about it my boy. If her path had to stop here, it is because it is better like that. It's not your fault, you know that, at least?

Silence. I didn't look at him. I recognized the voice of her father. I was too ashamed to lay eyes on him, not even on his feet.

Ha Neul's father: She wouldn't want to see you sad Jooheon. She would like you to live every beautiful moment of your life for her, for all the moments she will never live, but that you can make her live by your own experiences. And I speak as much for love as for family side, etc.

I nodded, keeping my head down.

Ha Neul's father: She really loved you.

Then he went to join a woman in his car. The guys gave me encouragement tapes in the back and went to sit in the truck. People were leaving little by little and I found myself alone. There was going to have a dinner in her honor at the agency tonight.

I approached the grave with small steps. The guys were waiting for me... They could wait. It will never be as long as a life without Ha Neul.

I sat down on the still fresh ground. I turned to the tombstone. I drew with my fingers her name, her year of birth... and her year of death. I gathered on this one and looked up at the sky once again thinking that I should come bring her flowers once a month. That would be the least. And come and discuss with her on cold winter days.

Me: If you could know how much I blame myself. I promise to make you proud and live for both of us.

Ennnnnd!! So actually just wait for my next post before you get angry at me for this awful end XD Sorry it took so long but the semester got me so tired lol and it's not even over daaaamn. Anyway, thanks to still follow the fiction and to vote^^

Gamsahabnida!