Letters

Twelfth Letter

Dear Oliver,
First of all, I think it has been too long that you haven't visited me. You know, people dream everyday. I always have you in my head, my room, my wallet, my phone.... Dude, you're my keyboard. Now, why the fuck haven't you visited me?

Is it that that better place maintains you busy. I hope not. I asked God for you to be my guardian angel. I don't know if he put the task on you or not. I know I haven't seen you and I miss you like fuck.

It's been a long time, since I don't write you on messenger, I don't expect you to answer, obviously. It would be magestic if you did. I think I'll be traumatized and never open messenger again.

Now, I'm writing letters to people, I bet you know. I hope you can read it.

God I miss that big smile of yours. And that laugh. And you calling me "cabrona" with that voice of yours. High pitch, sounds kind of gay. Hahaha.

Dude, your mom and your sister, Alana are beautiful. Alana is so big. I hope I see them soon. She was here but I talked to her late, couldn't see her.

Oliver, Oscar, Matt... Whatever you want to call yourself. You were perfect until it lasted.

You were my soul mate. We were meant for each other. Have our backs. Love each other. I still have your drawings, one is beside my tv. And I have pictures too.

Oh, honey, I still have our marriage bracelet. Because I'm still married to you. I remember the day you gave it to me. It was in biology class. You were my partner, and I'd been asking for it because it had a carved stitch scar. It's from BVB, not a big fan, but I like. Scars was our thing, I guess. That's how we were labeled. The 'emo' kids.

Oliver, I love the way you always made me smile. Always put me first, no matter what the hell you were going through. I loved that soft gentle kiss you gave me on the cheek on my grandma's house. You were so gentle. God, I loved it. I can still feel your hands and the kiss when I think of it.

I remember exchanging shirts. Guess what, I still have your Gir shirt 'somebody wants a hug'. Actually , you probably know I have a few things from you. Your mom gave them to me. I have a BVB jacket, I love it so much, although I ripped the blanket from the back, it freaked me out and in the school, they wouldn't permit it. I have CDs. I have a glow in the dark skeleton hoodie. I don't know if I have anything else.

You are so special to me. You accepted me. Never rejected me. Understood me. People even confused us. That's funny. We share the same tastes.

I remember that you were once a vegan, and you wanted me to make you a hamburger. That was funny. So I did and we shared it in the math room. Now that I remembered, the english teacher gave me your journal, she said I was meant to have it.... Don't ask me where it is.

Every July 4, I dedicate it to you. It was your birthday. Every Dec 26, (which we are close) I dedicate it, as well, to you. That stupid Dec 26, I hate it.

Why did you have to go. Don't go. I miss you more than you think. I had no one else like you. No one. There was a boy, that was my best friend, Pmore puta, he was close. But, why leave me behind. That was selfish of you. Why go to Colorado when I needed you in Puerto Rico. Why leave and not visit me whenever you came to Puerto Rico. Well, I remember once we tried and because I had a boyfriend, my mom didn't let me because I had to respect. I wanted to slap her. I want to slap her.

She didn't let me go and say goodbye to you. She said it was better remembering how you were.... Alive.

You should visit me more often. I hope they put the task that you have to be my guardian angel. I want to hug you.

It was hard for me to notice that you were actually gone. Because before you've faked your death, so I didn't know. Months later I decided to talk to the girlfriend you had, and she told me everything. After that in April, I saw your mother and Alana. And she took me to eat ice cream, told me everything. She even scolded me for something. I remember feeling like she didn't want to let go of me. She passed my house and avoided it to do groceries, then go to her mother's. Alana and me were playing with a plastic bag in SuperMax. I felt she didn't want to let me go. In your grandma's house she delay me leaving by buying food. That day, she gave me the jacket of BVB.

I asked your mother for the BMTH hoodie, she said you stayed with it. I loved that. We took pictures with it. I think the only pictures.

We were some weirdos.

You didn't even finish high school. You didn't experiment what was college. I hope you had sex. You know, that's important. Not die a virgin, you'd be laughing with me right now.

You left your band behind. They've done so well. I'm so proud of them. You would be too.

Loves, your soul mate left behind, Alondra.

R.I.P. JULY 4, 1995-
DEC 26, 2013