The Peacekeeper

Chapter 30

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Karkat was staring up at the ceiling, an arm around a sleeping Dave.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

His eyes were wide. His heart was racing. He didn't know what to do.

Stop. Think. Think. Think. Think.

He shouldn't be panicking over this. This is nothing. It was nothing to him now.

Stop. Think. Think. Think. Think.

Fuck. What was he supposed to do? He had no goddamn clue what to do. The machine was ready. He had the key to Equius' hive. He could just walk right in there, push a button, and leave. He could go now. He could go back to them. Back home.

No.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Karkat looked over to Dave. He was turned away from Karkat, his back facing him. Even if Karkat couldn't see him he knew that he was drooling, his hair would be all over his face (Dave really needed a haircut), and even though he was asleep his eyes would be moving underneath his eyelids.

Stop thinking. Let's go.

Dave grumbled and curled up more. Karkat was able to slid his arm out from underneath Dave. He sat up and stared at his matesprit sleeping. He could go right now. He could leave Dave alone to find out in the morning that his boyfriend was gone. Dave would panic.

He would blame himself.

He would freak out. He'd call out Karkat's name, thinking he's only in the shower but he had to be sure. He'd call once. Twice. Three times...four. Fuck. Karkat could already see Dave stumbling out of bed and throwing the bathroom door open only to find the shower empty. He'd call Rose first.

Or Dirk.

He'd be panicky and irrational. Karkat would be gone. He'd have no idea where his boyfriend was. He had him back for a year. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be it. He had to have more time with Karkat. He needed more time.

Everyone would be panicking, looking everywhere for him. No one would know where he was.

Karkat sighed. What should he do? If he went back to Beforus he would never see his friends again. Dave would be devastated. They'd spend countless hours looking for him. They had only gotten him back where could he have gone?

Don't do this.

Karkat stood up, slowly as to not wake Dave up. He stood still for a moment before going to the closet and gathering his things from Beforus. As he grabbed his twin sickles he looked at them a moment. They were stained with blood and if he went back there was no doubt they would meet many more colors of blood. The sickles were placed in his sylladex, ready to go in a blink of an eye. He was ready to go.

"Bye Dave..." The troll murmured, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend's forehead. He would miss him. Fuck he would miss him so goddamn much. He was already beginning to miss him and his lips were still awkwardly pressed against his forehead.

If you'll miss him so fucking much then don't go. It is that simple.

No. He had to go. This life wasn't meant for him. Or was it?

Yes.

No. No it wasn't. Maybe at one point it was but now...now he had an entirely different life that he needed to live. A life that had purpose. A life that was filled with the things he's wanted since he was a young troll. A nice position in the empire, protecting it and the Empress. Having some sort of importance. This was the right thing to do for himself.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Karkat managed to tear himself away from Dave. He murmured one last goodbye before shakily walking out the room, out of the apartment, and out of this life.

~

'I don't have to do this.' Karkat thought to himself as he hastily walked to Equius' home. It was true, he didn't have to. He could straight back to Dave's, lay down, and pretend nothing happened. He could do that. In fact, he should do that.

He didn't.

He shoved his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out the key to unlock the blue blood's door. This was it. He was one step closer to going home.

It was a task to open the door. His hands were shaking so much he almost couldn't put the key in its keyhole. But he somehow managed and slowly tip toed into the building, shutting the door behind him.

This is it. This is it. This is it.

He walked slowly as to not make noise, looking for the room with the one big machine in it. His first stop was Equius' makeshift workshop which was really his garage. Unsurprisingly enough, there it was. One step closer.

He passed a mirror. He took a look at it and really examined his face. Dark circles under his eyes (though not as dark as before thanks to restored sleeping habits), scars on his face, the look of complete and death. He was, of course, missing the hollowed in cheeks, sadness in his eyes, and the ever-present blood stains on his skin. Yeah. He was going back to that. Going back to the possibility of constant having to go out in battle. To kill and maim. To not eat or sleep nearly enough. To having to live in a world where he was...alone. Basically. Karkat sucked in a nice deep breath and closed his eyes, making his thoughts go away for a moment before he began inching towards the machine again.

The buttons were cold to the touch. Most of them were, thankfully, labeled. This was it.

His hands were shaking.

He blinked, not knowing what to press. What lever to pull. What the number pad was for.

You know this. You have been studying this exact machine for perigees, just in ink and paper instead of actually seeing it in it's full form.

Right.

Another deep breath in.

He began pushing the buttons, his mind was foggy but his hands knew what they were doing.

He pulled a lever, whose to say that he would land in Beforus? What if he landed smack in the middle of space? Then what?

He punched in a set of numbers, what if they kill him when he gets there? If he ever gets there?

The platform on the machine glowed a bright white light. The small monitor said it was ready to go.

Let's go. This is it. Let's go home.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't go.

With a shaky leg, he stepped onto the platform and allowed the blinding light to engulf him.