A Broken Girls Diary

×3×

Every night is the same thing, the same dream. Right now it's 2 a.m (keep in mind I'm from Texas) I've had about an hour of sleep my usual. I'm in tears and covered in sweat every night just seems to be worse, the dreams take so much out of me. Half the time I'm not sure if I'm asleep or awake, my life is a constant nightmare and nothing helps.

Is there anyone out there that understands this? Is there someone out there that understands me?

I'm always alone just me and my demons. People try honestly I can tell they do but it's not the same nothing is the same. Something in me broke that day and I still can't manage to put the pieces together; I think I never will.

Everyday around this time I go to the cemetery and visit him it's the only place I find some type of piece. I know what your thinking the cemetery is closed at this time or don't they have guards?

To answer your questions yes it's closed and yes they have a security guard, but I made friends with him. His name is Henry and he has 2 daughters little twins.

About 6 months after his death Henry kept finding me breaking in and crying on Eddie's grave so we made a deal everytime I come I bring him coffee so he can survive his shift and he lets me in freely to be there.

I honestly can't remember the last time I slept all night or the last time I stayed home all night. Every night is the same I sleep about an hour I wonder off on my Harley most of the night come back before my mom wakes up, put on a fake smile when she does and pretend I'm doing ok. My whole life has revolved around pretending for a while now.

The same routine everyday pretend I'm ok, pretend to be happy, pretend I'm taking my medication, pretend I'm normal.....

Is there anyone who understands me? Is there someone out there like me?
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

The song above is It's been a while by Staind. Which I'm currently listening to.

Well this is all for now....
I'm dressed and ready to go....
Just another night out just me, my Harley, and the moon.....