5/16/01

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It's been more than a month now, and in still stuck in this shitty hospital with a shitty therapist, and a growing love of the idea of death.

Kyle hasn't returned and I don't think he ever will. To be honest if I were him, I would come back to me. I would leave me so fast it would be funny.

Mom has only been by two or three times, and dad has been by once. He's really injured.

During one of the few times mom came by, she told me how much I fucked my father. She said how he broke nine out of his twelve ribs, one oh which came only centimeters away from piercing is lung. But the worst part was that the impact from the crash had fractured his skull.

When he did visit me, his face was hardly recognizable, and he spoke to me like I was made of glass.

The whole time he spoke slow, careful not to say the wrong thing.

All the nurses say that I'm lucky. With the severity of the crash they said it was miraculous that I had survived. And when I think about it, it is crazy. All that happened was I broke my leg and had a minor concussion. But it seems that that crash was more damaging mentally.

I haven't seen Mort since the crash. And he hasn't talked to me since the twentieth.

It's unnerving to know that he's lurking within the depths of my head.

The only good thing that's happened was that Weezer released a new album yesterday. It's called The Green Album, and it might be the only reason I'm still on this Earth.

One of my nurses brought me a CD player, and bought me the album. So that's been the only thing good about this shithole of a hospital.

On the album there's this one song that I guess sort of makes me feel better. It's called Island in the Sun. The whole song is about running away to an island and forgetting all your troubles.

On island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain

Those are my favorite lines of the song. I don't know what it is about the song that just makes me feel warm inside, and makes it where I cannot wipe the smile from my face.

Basically the song makes me feel how Kyle did.

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If any of you haven't listened to island in the sun by Weezer you need to go do that! It's such a beautiful feel good song:)

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