WANDERLANDIA'S ONE SHOT STORY

Why are you my tragedy?

People come and people go, time will come that they will leave you, they’ll be out of your life. Like a book that has always endings, like a road that has dead ends. Will I be able to forget that incident that changed my life? Or will I be forever eaten by grief and regret? Will I stay on my favorite book that has already ended or I’ll finally close the book, start and discover new things?
*****
Years have passed but I’m still wondering about us. Ano na kaya tayo kung hindi nangyari ang insidenteng yun? Ganun pa rin ba tayo? Treat each other as sisters even though we are not blood related. Don’t you know that I am missing the three of you all throughout these years? Well, I think my love for our friendship didn’t even change a single bit, it grows deeper but I think I don’t have a chance to be with you for now, I cannot go back to the way we used to be, I am missing you Ilene, Micha and April, and I’m sorry.
** Flashback **
Ilene, micha and April are my best friends since high school. Friendship goals daw kami sabi ng mga bago naming kaibigan kasi kahit na magkakalayo na  kami at magkakaiba pa ng university na pinapasukan, gumagawa talaga kami ng paraan para mag-bonding. Nung nagkatrabaho na kami at busy sa kanya-kanyang career, we still make it a point na magkaroon ng time sa isa’t isa. We are inseparable, even distance can’t break our friendship, yes, may mga time na nagtatalo kami at nagkakatampuhan but hindi namin hinahayaan na lumipas ang araw na magkakagalit padin, we make way for understanding and forgiveness, hindi naman magtatagal ang friendship namin kung lahat kami ma-pride. We may not be sisters by blood but we’re sisters in heart and soul, we’re siblings from different mothers. We are happy you will see the joy and love we have for each other, until that day came. I didn’t know that something unexpected will happen. Yung araw na hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan,the day that I wanted to skip every year dahil sa masasakit na alaala na palaging bumabalik sa aking isipan.
September 11, 20xx, I planned a party for our friendship anniversary celebration. We all took a leave from work. I decided na ganapin nalang somewhere in Zambales kasi magaganda yung mga beach resort doon. But that day, mukhang hindi natutuwa ang panahon sa celebration naming, sobrang lakas ng ulan, may bagyo atang paparating. They insist na i-cancel nalang dahil madulas ang daan at delikadong magtravel but I was too hardheaded and persistent, I still pursued them to continue our celebration, sinabi kong magtatampo ako kapag hindi sila tumuloy, kaya wala na silang magawa dahil ayaw nilang nagtatampo ako. Kakaiba kasi ako kapag tinopak, hinding hindi kita papansinin kahit na anong gawin mo, hihintayin mong lumipas ang inis ko sayo. I was waiting for them, I already prepared everything, mula pagkain hanggang sa mga activities na gagawin naming, but no one came, nag aalala na ako sa kanila. It was 2 in the mornig but I’m still waiting when my phone rang. It was a call from a policemen saying my friends got to an accident. And I felt like my world stopped for a while, my knees trembled. And that was it. Their relatives were blaming me, and I was blaming myself too, I was hating myself too. Pain, blames and regrets was on me. I’m sorry, it’s my entire fault.
** End of flashback **

Is it okay if I forget you?
Because I’m scared so I stopped
Do we really need to part ways?
I can’t answer because the inerasable scar is hurting me.

The first stanza in a poem that I have written for you. Why does our friendship have to end like that? Can’t we just have a bittersweet ending? Is it really my fault? Tell me so that could have the peace that I really need. The guilt is killing me; regrets are flooding in my system. I don’t know anymore, I think it’s really my fault. I’m sorry Micha, Ilene, and April if you end up like that, I’m sorry for the pain that I have caused to your loved ones, I’m sorry for hurting them.

Will I be able to say I love you again?
I keep telling myself to let go of those bad memories
But at the end of the day
It’s still there; pain and regrets won’t leave me.

I love you, can you hear me? And I know na mahal niyo din ako, and that’s the only thing that I’m holding on to. It’s really difficult to be away from you, I cannot reach you anymore. It’s difficult to wake up in the morning realizing that it was all just a dream, that reality really hurt. Pwede bang matulog na lang ako forever para magkasama-sama na tayo? Coz I’m always dreaming na magkakasama tayo habang nagtatawanan, living our life to the fullest, but it was all just a dream. I always wake up crying; crying for us, crying for myself, crying for my miserable life.

I can’t promise that our friendship was all in the past.
That genuine smile I always see in your faces,
Was like a statue that has frozen in place.
I can’t take it anymore, our memories is flashing back.

Maybe that incident happened for a reason. Nangyari para may matutunan ako, but why does it have to be this painful? That it made a big impact in our lives. I promised na mamahalin ko kayo hanggang sa huling hininga ko. Know what, everytime na nalulunod ako sa pag-iisip sa mga maling desisyon na nagawa ko, I always imagine yung magaganda nyong ngiti but it’s all in the past now, hindi ko na kayo maibabalik, hindi ko na kayo mayayakap, hindi ko na kayo mahahawakan. It will all remain as memories, a happy and must be treasured memories.

I walked on the same street where everything happened
Ilene, April, Micha. If you were standing in the lost time
Please don’t move, don’t try to forget
Like what I’m trying to forget you just to forget the pain.

If you guys were together now, hintayin niyo ako please? Pupuntahan ko kayo diyan, I’ll be with you soon. Wait for me and don’t forget about me.

This is the price of ruining our things for us
I can’t hold you anymore; I can’t be with you anymore
Or can’t I be with you as much as I am on pain?
With the reason of loving you, there wasn’t a day I didn’t love you.

You are the book that I never wanted to close, song that I always wanted to play and hear, the sonnet that I will memorized and keep on whispering and our story, is the kind of story that I’ve always wanted to share. I am Maki, this is my story, and I’m signing off to see my friend.