Talk Me Down (Camren)

Chapter Nineteen

Camila sighs, staring out of the classroom window at the bright Miami sun. It's the last day of school before Christmas break, but it doesn't feel like it. She wishes she could have a stereotypical Christmas – snow everywhere, snowball fights with her parents, wrapping up in warm sweaters and heavy coats. Instead, she can get away with wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Not that she would; she's at school, and the last thing she needs is for her peers to mock her for her body. That's why she always wears jeans and a long sleeved tee.

The bell rings, signalling their one hour lunch break, and Camila is thrilled that the school day is halfway over. Then, she'll get to go home and have two and a half weeks of bully-free bliss.

(Sure, vacations are lonely without friends to hang out with, but she'd rather be lonely than bullied.)

She spends most of her free period writing her usual end of year letter – every year, she writes about the things she's done and the things she wishes she'd done – when she notices a bit of a pattern in its content.

It's basically all about Lauren Jauregui.

After a few moments of thinking it over, she decides that she's going to rewrite the letter, erasing the parts about herself, because she doesn't want her identity to be revealed. If she's going to anonymously post the letter through Lauren's locker, the last thing she needs is for Lauren to know who she is.

If Lauren or her friends found out that Camila likes girls, god knows what they would do. Though, Camila doesn't think they could make her school life any harder.

She spends a little while trying to articulate her thoughts properly; how Lauren makes her feel, how it lights up Camila's day just to see her smile, how she definitely doesn't want this to come off as creepy and how she doesn't expect Lauren to feel the same. Especially how she doesn't want Lauren to pursue her and try to find out her identity, because she knows the older girl would be disappointed.

Once she's sure the letter is perfect, she gives it a read over and folds it up, putting it in a little envelope that she finds in the IT room.

Dear Lauren,

I was writing out a letter about my year as a whole, and I realised that your name comes up a lot more frequently than I thought it would. At first, I was kind of surprised that you were such a big part of my year, but as I read my letter over, I was a lot less shocked.

So, I decided to write this letter for you. Not for myself.

You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You're prettier than movie stars and models and I don't doubt that you could be either one of those when you're older. I first saw you in sixth grade, when we shared an English class. We never spoke – I was always way too scared to approach you, because a girl as beautiful as you deserves someone ten times better than me – but I always found myself watching you as you did your work, because you were always so effortlessly gorgeous and it was so admirable.

Not only are you beautiful, but you're incredibly intelligent, and I'm surprised that you haven't skipped a grade already. I know you're probably a straight A student, and if you're not, you're definitely capable of it. You're capable of so much, Lauren. And I bet when school is over and we're both grown up and living in different cities, I'll turn on the news one day and your name will be there, followed by something great. Because you're going to go so far and I can't wait to see you do it.

I know by now you're probably wondering who I am, and I want to ask you in the most polite way possible to not try to find me. I know for a fact that you'll be disappointed with what you find, and that's the last thing I want. I don't want to see disappointment on your face in any way, especially when it comes to my affections. I'm not saying any of this because I want something from you; I'm saying it because I mean it, and staying anonymous helps me prove that.