Consequences Of The Past [Hold]

Two

2

I zoned out as Chris explained to me that he was leaving Virginia to go to LA to follow his dream. All I could think about was how I was going to be alone. The only person I had was Chris. He was all I had in this world, without him I'm nothing. When ever I was down and low he was always there to pick me up. He was always there to love me when I didn't feel loved, want me when I didn't feel wanted, need me when I didn't feel needed. What was I to do when the only thing keeping me alive was moving across the country.

"How long have you known about this?" I asked, cutting off whatever he was saying.

"A while now," He admitted. Moving closer to me, grabbing ahold of my hands.

"And you just kept it from me all this time. Had me think everything was okay. You lied to me and kept secrets, something you promised to never do," My tone was rising so I don't a deep breath trying to contain it. The tears were coming in uncontrollably at this point and I didn't bother to whip them away. "Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you,"

"Yes you do. You told me you loved me."

"I do,"

"Then why are you leaving! I need you. Please don't got. Your all I got, your the only one that makes me happy." I begged, grabbing ahold of his face so he could stare into my eyes. So he could see the tears I was shedding for him. "Please don't leave Chris. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I'll do anything for you Chris. You want sex everyday I'll give you sex everyday. You want me to cook for you I'll cook for you. Anything you want I'll do I promise. I'll forgive you about the whole Jordan thing just dont leave. I can't leave without you, you know that. Your all I got and you know that, so please please don't leave."

"Ri this is my dream, I can't just give it up."

"You can't just leave me here by myself. I won't let you, please just don't leave. I'll do anything you want just don't leave. Please."

"I got to."

"Fuck you Chris! Fuck you!"

"Bye Maria."

I was never supposed to see Chris again. After he left I was supposed to let him go, allow him to just be a memory like any other ex. But no matter how many years passed he was always the one I thought about when I sat awake reminiscing about life. He was always the one to bring a smile among my face. Reluctantly I went to lunch with Chris. After last night I couldn't handle sitting around the house with Jay. It wasn't the first time but it was the worst. The first time I really thought that he was going to kill me, the first time I actually reached the verge of death. Every once in a while we'd get into a disagreement and he'd lose his cool, just like he did last night. I couldn't stay long for too long though, always ending up forgiving him because I love him, but a part of me knows that him putting his hands on me isn't love, its hate. I just can't seem to get away.

"So whatchu been up to for these past few years."

"Nothing same old same old, what about you?"

"You haven't heard? Apparently I'm a crazy dickhead that beats up women."

"Yeah I heard, I never believed that bullshit doe. I know you, the person the media makes you out to be isn't you. They're the real dickheads, especially TMZ."

"It's nice to have someone on my side for once. It seems like the whole world's against me nowadays."

"I understand." I replied, shaking my head up and down. Chris career is something that always seemed to pop up. Seeing all the hatred they had towards him always made me feel a slight bit of pity for him, that's until the I remembered that he left a hole in my heart that could never be repaired. I tried feeling that gap with Jay but all the relationship got me is scars and an even larger void that can't be filled. "What brings you to NY." I asked, just wanting to change the subject.

"I just moved here, what about you. I remember you vowing to never leave VA."

"My mom got a new job up here when I was seventeen and I just never decided to move back."

"I went back to VA a while back looking for you and they said you moved. I didn't believe it but, here you are." He motioned to my body.

"Yup, here I am."

"I missed you." He said with a wide grin. His smile brought a smile to my face also. This has always been an effect he managed to have on me.

"How many times are you gonna say it?" I said in a straight forward tone, yet I slightly blushed.

"Until you believe it, or at least say the same to me. You can't say you didn't miss me too."

"Of course I missed you," I confessed which caused a smile to form on his face. "But, that doesn't mean I'm over it ."

"You really still mad at me?" He questioned with a stale face.

"I told you the answer to that last night, my anger didn't just go away over the past night. If anything I'm madder, seeing your face, having you feed me this I miss you bullshit. What are your intentions, with this meeting? Is it sex because I'm not having sex with you,"

"It's not sex."

"Then what is it?" I asked. We've only been in each others presence for half an hour, yet I'm already fed up with him.

"I wanna get back together with you. After all these years I miss you and I miss us. I want to get back together."

"Are you serious right now? You want to get back together-"

"Maria-"

"Don't you dare Maria me. You left me and you cheated on me and now after years you want to get back together, are you out of your fucking mind!" I hush yelled through clenched teeth, trying so hard not to cause a scene but his ignorant assumption that he could just bring me down here and everything would be alright was preposterous . "You got some bitch pregnant when we were together then a day after I found out you just up and left there is no way in hell that I would ever get back with you. Maybe what the media said was true, maybe you are just some bastard. Did you stop talking to Jordan too? The child y'all have, do you take care of your child. Because I haven't heard of a little Chris."

"She died, the baby died." His eyes were teary. I never knew about the death of their child and I wanted so badly to take him in my arms and just let him vent to me and just talk to him about everything but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't just let my guard down because of some sob story.

"Take me home."

"What?"

"Take me home, now." I demanded getting up from the table.

The car ride back to my place was quiet just like last night, he knew his way there so no requirement for me to provide instructions this time around.

"I'm the same Chris from VA, don't think anything different." He spat through a clenched jaw as soon as we came to a stop in front of my home.

"No your not." I shook my head. "The Chris from VA was completely different. The only thing the same between the two are the rage. Don't forget that I was the one there when your mom was being beat by that man, I saw how angry you got and I watch TV and I see how crazy you still are. That is the only thing that hasn't changed about you."

"Your wrong."

"I don't wanna sit here and argue with you about this. About any of it, it doesn't matter what kind of character you are because at the end of the day you left me, end of story."

"It's not no end of story Maria. I lost you already, I'm not just gonna go another 5 years without speaking to you. I'll be back tomorrow to take you out on another date." He stated, taking initiative, something that always turned me on. I climbed out of the car annoyed. "And just for the record this is not the end of the story, it's just the beginning." He yelled after me.

Chris words went through one ear and out the other. They always did, he was really just a pain in the ass that I was lucky enough to get rid of, now he's stuck one foot right back into my life, only to eventually take it out again.

Authors Note:

Boring Chapters I Know. The First Few Are Always Boring.

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