Zombie! Cruise Ship Disaster: Memoir of Lilly Delarose

Chapter 1: Bumpety Bumpety Incident

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Wave thirteen incoming!" I yelled as burning skyscrapers lit the midnight sky of my home city. "Hold the line! Zombies think they can mess with me? Not today, Satan!"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"I'm sending you all back to the fires of hell!" I said, firing into an unending horde of the living dead. "Just wait until big brother rolls in with the tank. You're all getting blown sky high! Ooh, here he comes now. You rotting fools better run for your lives. Oh that's right, you're already dead. Ha ha ha!

"How many bullets you got left, bro?" I asked, checking my gun as Brody popped out the tank hatch. "I'm down to my last clip on this pistol looking thing. Time to break out the big guns.

"Kaboom!" I said, picking up a conveniently placed rocket launcher. "That's the sound this makes, right? Just give me a minute while I figure this out. Hey, which way do I point this thing? You know what, I'm better bludgeoning these freaks to death anyway.

"Look out!" I warned, equipping myself with a broken parking meter to take on the zombie horde swarming down the street. "Lilly's coming to bash some skulls, and she means business!

"What better weapon than a piggy bank on a pole?" I chuckled, swinging my parking meter at the first zombie's face. "Penny for your thoughts? Next time no jaywalking in my city!"

Crack!

"Brody! Send me a shell through that tower! I want this whole dang building toppled over!"

Boom!

"Now that's what I'm talking about, brother!" I said as Brody fired a tank shell into the nearby skyscraper. "Let's rain down some steel upon hell's minions."

"Rargh!" roared a ginormous mutated monster from beneath the debris.

"Oh no! You've woken the boss!" I gasped as the monster crawled out from the flames, ready to turn my dream into a Japanese movie. "Get me the hell out of here! Like zombies weren't enough. Now I gotta battle a giant horned demon?

"Slow down, bro!" I cried as Brody floored the tank without me. "You know, your little sister would like to catch a ride too!

"No! You're going the wrong way!" I screamed as Brody rammed through zombies on his way to battle the boss.

Boom!

"Aim for the glowy thing!" I said as Brody fired at the monster. "Make him explode!"

"Rargh!" shrieked the monster, lifting its giant clawed foot to stomp on my brother.

Kaboom!

"No!" I screamed as my brother and his tank exploded into smithereens. "You forgot strategy! Don't worry, brother! I shall avenge you!

"Hey, there's a little girl out here all alone. Hold on, little girl, I'm coming to save you!

"Oh no! Look out! It's gonna grab you!" I screamed as a slimy neon green hand reached through the sewer grate and grasped around the little girl's ankle.

"No!" I cried, watching helpless as the sewer monster pulled the little girl down the drain.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second," I said, stopping the zombie horde dead in its tracks. "What the hell is my sewer monster doing here? I thought we were fighting zombies. Seriously, this makes absolutely no sense at all!"