Zombie! Cruise Ship Disaster: Memoir of Lilly Delarose

Chapter 7: Electroshock My Wiener

"Yo, Sal," whispered Jay into his cell phone.

"Jaime, where are you?" asked Sal.

"Well, right now I'm huddling under a door frame with my dull cleaver and bloody shirt."

"Are you hurt?"

"No, but if I peek my head out I'm gonna get shot at."

"Are you at the dock?"

"I see the ship," said Jay, "but how the heck am I supposed to get to it?"

"I don't know," said Sal. "I can't see what's out there. Just take a look around and open up your mind."

"Yeah, I already cracked open three."

"Huh? Three of what with what?"

"What do you think? Three zombie skulls with my cleaver."

"Oh my god," gasped Sal. "You actually saw them?"

"I'm wearing them," said Jay.

"Oh. Does that help?"

"Does what help?"

"Covering yourself with their guts."

"What?" laughed Jay. "Hell no."

"Oh," said Sal.

"You think I smeared myself with their blood on purpose?"

"Well, that's what they do in the—"

"I look like I just got unhooked from a meat locker."

"What does that mean?"

"Means those things wanna kill me just to suck on my shirt."

"Then take it off," said Sal.

"No," said Jay. "I'm gonna look like I've just been attacked if I'm walking around without a shirt on."

"They might think you're a zombie if you come up to the ship dripping in blood."

"The blood's already dry."

"Just take it off. You can get infected from the blood."

"Huh?" said Jay. "I didn't get bitten. And it's not like I'm licking the blood."

"They don't know that," said Sal. "They might shoot you if they think you're infected."

"Fine, but just because I've already made it too far through hell to get shot down in the middle of the street."

"Did you take it off?"

"Do you want me to text you a picture?"

"No," said Sal, "I want you to get on the ship."

"Well that's not gonna be easy," said Jay. "They've got at least a dozen guards with eyes all around the fence."

"You're gonna have to find a way to sneak in."

"Are you kidding? There's no way I can sneak past them. And I'm not gonna try swimming around the ship for a back door."

"You see an open door?"

"What? No, I was joking."

"Well stop joking and get on the damn ship."

"How?" asked Jay.

"I don't know, Jaime," said Sal. "I told you, I can't help you from here and I can't come out there to get you."

"Will you stop calling me that?"