Blind Insanity

1 - Chapter One - 1

1 – Chapter One – 1

Where am I?

‘Don’t you know?’

Who am I?

‘Don’t you remember?’

I grit my teeth as I look around my small empty room.  It was probably about the size of a closet in a normal house, the walls were a terrible off white.  Looking down at the grime covered floor, I saw white speckled tiles that once had been white.  In one corner, the one on the far left of the door, was wet and slick from the dripping water faucet that had come loose ages ago.  The cot, which I was now sitting on, had been shoved into the corner across from the dripping.  A very small desk was next to the cot, bolted to the wall and to the floor in case someone got any ideas on moving it.  Smack in the middle of the wall, there was a window.  If I stood on my tiptoes I can barely peek over the edge of it.  And inside that window were bars and security wires.

The cot’s mattress was lumpy and hard, while it has a flat pillow and scratchy sheets.  Iron held the cot up, along with bolting it to the wall and ground.  The thick bolts screwed it into the floor and made sure no one could pry them off, just like the dresser.  They had made sure that the little furniture that was in here could not move an inch.  And they frequently came in to make sure that the bolts were still very much stable.

Surprisingly enough, they did frequently change out the rough sheets and thin blankets for them to be washed.  Some of the others, including myself, threw quite a loud fit if they weren’t.  I hated sleeping on dirty sheets.  If they were older than three days, I just would not sleep on them.  It was not a convenient thing for me not to sleep on the bed for them.  They had learned this quickly for every patient here, that they had to keep up some code of cleanliness.

My fingers twitch over the rough fabric of the blanket as I look over towards the window.  I knew that if I did walk over to it and if I did peek out, I would just see the top of trees and the always dark sky.  The sky always had clouds in it.  I don’t even remember what the sun looks like anymore.  The darkness outside made this small tiny room even bleaker than what if it would look like in the sun.  However, I don’t think that I would want to see the grime covered room in the sun either.

‘Shall we count the drips of water falling?’              

No! I thought and put my hands over my ears as tears started to form in my eyes.  They made me remember the dripping!  There were few times that I was able to push the infernal noise out of my mind, but they brought it up over and over again!  Yet even if I wished I hadn’t heard them, my lips trembled as my eyes followed the droplets of water falling to the corner of the room.

My lips turned up in a smile as an uncontrollable, hysterical laugh bubbled up from my chest to my throat until I let it out.  “One two three!” I giggled uncontrollably as I counted each drop again and again.  There was no telling how many times I had counted the droplets.  It felt like it was the only thing that I knew how to do anymore.  I hadn’t realized that I had removed my hands form my ears as I heard each soft plop of water hit the small pool.

“It splashed!” I say and feel my heart drop as it made a different sound.  How I hated when it did that.  “Now I have to start all over again.  Splashing does not make the soft plopping sound that water makes!” I said and started rocking back and forth on the cot, wrapping my arms around my dirty knees.  “I don’t want to count anymore,” my voice came out in a whisper and I lay my head on my knees.  “I’m tired.”