Chapter 30

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Sorry its been so long... Dont hate me... I have ben SO busy, you can't even imagine. Two jobs, school, homework and i have to choose where im going after school, since im out this summer gah.. And then i have this HUGe assignment right now. Sorry, but i'll try better. Maybe you should read the last few lines of the earlier chapter, just to catch up. I find that to help sometimes with my reading. :))

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I asked my mother to be alone for a minute and she left me. I stood up and looked around. I dried my wet cheeks and walked a step forward. I grabbed a duffle bag and stuffed it with some clothes. I put in a bunch of her underwear, pajamas and sweatshirts. When I pulled out a dark blue hoodie a book fell to the floor with a loud thump. I squatted and picked it up. It looked like a photo album. I opened the book and read the first page.

'Success looks different in all minds' I flipped the first few pages and read the quotes.

'Why strive for greatness, when you can strive for perfection'

'Everyone wants the same thing, you don't just want, you work for it' at first I smiled by her motivational quotes, but my smile dropped when I flipped to the next page.

'Why eat when you'll just get hungry again?'

'Don't reward yourself with food, you're not a dog.'

'Skinny feels better than any food will ever taste'

'Pretty hurts, ugly kills'

'Do you not want to be skinny?'

I ran a hand over my head. Shit. Why would she make such a thing?

I flipped to the next page and my stomach fell to the ground. It was a picture. A picture of Emily, she had taken it in her mirror in her room. It was her back with no clothes on. Her spine and ribs stood out from her skin. The next page was a picture of her collarbones, then her stomach when she lied down, then her thigh gap in the mirror. The next page was filled with numbers crossed over.

130

120

110

100

90

89

88

87

86

85

80

I cringed at crossed out numbers. I looked at the last number, it wasn't yet crossed and it said 75. A tear slipped down my cheek and I threw the book to the ground. The dark blue sweatshirt was lying on the ground and I picked it up to throw in the bag. When I squatted again I saw another book lying on the shelf. It had space for a lock, but not lock was on. I opened the book well knowing it was her diary. I needed to read some of it. I needed to read some of the things that were going on in her mind before I met her. I also hoped there was something from before her parents died, before she got sick. I opened the diary and looked at the first page.

Property of Emily Parker aka the god.

If you dare to read, be aware that this is state secretes and will get you killed.

And mom and dad, if you guys found this, please out it down, this is my diary, and yes, you are in it!

June 11

Okay, so I just decided to write a diary. Maybe this can be like my own little thing and in the future I can be Cary Bradshaw and give advise based on my own experiences? Emily Parker aka advise guru. That sounds really good to me.

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