Soft [m.yg]

I'm Sorry

As his hands slowly floated and his body slowly froze up, he tried to recall all the calm moments he once shared with her.

Although his body stung and he seemed to do nothing but let out weak yelps, the memories seemed to ache him more than any physical pain, for they pricked at the seams of his heart, and the numbness that was slowly stretching over his body wasn't quite helping.

She loved me, she loved me as much as I love her, he thought, but he knew that was his desperate side speaking.

They had their own sane moments, the moments in which he didn't tell her how much he loved her, but forced himself to focus on the present and her soft touches.

He felt cold, so cold, but he was okay with it. He wanted it, no, he needed it.

This is the only thing that is going to pull me away from reality, the cruel reality of the love I never received, only gave. This, this is the only thing that's going to help me slip away in utter peace.

He gave most of his life away, he gave it to someone that never thought of giving him a pinch of her own.

While everyone enjoyed the brisk air and late summer nights, he seemed to be nothing but putty in those soft hands of hers.

While everyone screamed at one another, he managed to scold himself for falling in love with her. He mostly managed to scold himself for not being lovable enough.

Time flies when you're nothing but an uncared for piece of shit, he lightly chuckled.

He didn't know what he did to deserve this, this hatred that he's been receiving for the past twenty years.

He gave up on his family, he quit caring about the love they never gave him, he stopped asking for it, thinking he'd meet someone that would make up for the absent love in his life, but no one ever did. He loved and got crushed.

Throughout those years, he hoped things would get better, they did, but not for him, just the people he had befriended, for they had a caring friend, a lover.

People seem to enjoy receiving without giving.

He smiled to himself. Although he was beginning to slip away, he ended it all with a bright smirk on his face.

The loud noises of the fan seemed to fade as he shut his eyes and enjoyed the little bubbles that left his mouth and nose.

His head had started to feel lighter, but his body, his body was getting so much heavier as his lungs screamed at him to get a grip and get out of the bathtub, to get a grip and realize it wasn't the end of the world, that there was more to come.

More what? More pain?

His heart raced, fearing death, feeling alive for its last few moments. It promised Yoongi that he'd meet someone else, someone that would love him, but Yoongi ought not to listen. 

With the silence that surrounded him, Yoongi could hear his own heartbeat as it picked its pace for a few seconds before falling down. The loud thuds that stood for life and adventure soon fell down, being swallowed by the everlasting darkness Yoongi had dropped himself in.

He was deafened by the welcoming silence.

As his hands started to sink and his whole body shut down, he tried to tell her two things:

I'm sorry.

I love you.