mad at myself for believing you

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"Hey." Trevor says and opens the front door to my room. He walks over to me while I'm doing my homework and plants a kiss on my cheek.

I really wasn't in the mood for company, not even Trevor, so you can picture how frustrated I am.

"Hi Trevor." I barely even acknowledged the fact that he was here. I couldn't even believe his ass is still acting innocent after what I just found out.

He still tried to kiss me on my neck and around my face, but I didn't enjoy it.. All I could think about was how our relationship is gonna turn out after this.

I guess he caught the gesture because he stepped back away from me and it was completely silent for what seemed like for an eternity.

"I don't get it." He says out of no where. He backs up away from me and leaves me sitting there by myself. It's like I felt the warmth leave. I turned around in my swivel chair and faced him with my head a little higher since he was taller than me in this position.

"What are you–" I try to say out of confusion but he rudely cuts me off, leaving me to stop in the middle of my sentence.

"Why've you been so fucking distant lately? I can't give you a simple kiss anymore without feeling like you don't enjoy it." He explains and sits on my bed.

Me being distant?

"Oh really?" His statement was all it took to get me out of my seat. I walked right in front of him.

"Yeah." He says rather quickly.

"I'm not the one being distant. If anything it's you." I say.

"Me being distant? Okay. You could easily call me and you know that." He obviously didn't believe the words coming out my mouth. I places my hands on my head a turned around before meeting with his eyes again.

"Trevor, God– do you know how many times I tried to call you, but you wouldn't answer? I've wanted to call you but every time I want to, I realize I can't because you probably won't even answer your phone!" Tears started to stream down my face but I didn't care. I had to let all this out because balling it inside of me is tearing me apart slowly.

"You know that's a lie, you know that Z." He gets up and faces me.

"And every time I just want to hang out with you like a real couple should, you always flake me off with the same dumb ass excuse that I'm getting sick and tired of hearing." I wiped off the tears on my face and rubbed my eyes to see him clearly.

"What? So now I can't run errands? That's bullshit. Zendaya." He stays calm while saying that.

"That's not the point. That's been your sorry ass excuse for who the fuck knows how long. How long does it take to run a couple of errands?" At this point I don't even know why I'm still at it with him.

Maybe it's because I want to catch him lying or because I'm seriously trying so hard to save our relationship because sometimes I feel like it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Zendaya. It's complicated. You can't always complain about that. I mean, what about you, huh? You're always sulking around because of this damn surgery and you make everyone else around you feel miserable." I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"So basically you're calling me a burden?" I say as he breathes out heavily.

"No, save your breath Trevor. I'm sorry, honestly so sorry that I'm worried sick about this procedure. It could affect my cheerleading career and I could never get a scholarship like I've always wanted. And you know good and damn well I'm not acting like this on purpose." I object to his statement. Who else wouldn't be worried to death about surgery?

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