Learning to Love Again

Moving

I stuffed the last box into the U-Haul trailer before shutting the doors and turning around to take one last look at the run down trailer I called home. I really didn't want to leave this place but we had to. There's no more jobs left and the drugs are getting worse, we have to get out of here. Turning around and not looking back I got in the truck with my parents to leave this place.

I stared out the window trying not to cry, this place has changed over the years since two of the biggest mining companies closed down. I remember how it was when I was a little girl, families weren't rich but they had enough money to live comfortably. I used have a lot of friends but now most of them already have kids or are shooting up drugs sometimes both.I felt the truck come to a stop and realized that we was at the cemetery.

" Honey we're here." My dad said looking back a me from the rearview mirror. With a nod and shaking knees I grabbed the flowers from the middle seat and got out of the truck. Slowly I walked up to the black head stone where the love of my life lay six feet under. The tears trickled down my face as I read the head stone.

' Beloved brother and husband.'

Cody was the best man I ever knew in my life, his mother insisted on putting 'husband' on the headstone since our wedding was scheduled two weeks before the mining accident. We had our whole lives planned out but that all came to an end when his sister called me on August 3, 2015 saying he was in the hospital. I stopped myself from remembering any farther in fear I would break down.

" Hey, Cody." I said my voice cracking as a fresh set of tears spilt out." I thought I'd stop by before we leave Harlan. I want you to know that I love you still and you'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me."

" Dang it Cody! I miss you this pain feels like it'll never go away, ever where I look around this town there's a reminder of something we did together!" I said with angry boiling up inside me, I fell to my knees crying. It has only been eight months since he died and it feels like yesterday. I'm angry with God and I've questioned him so many times but he never gives me an answer. I don't know how long I was there before my mother walked up next to me. I leaned over against her leg crying as she pet my hair but it didn't comfort me. This hurt so bad but I needed to leave everywhere I turn there's a reminder of Cody.

I finally picked myself up off the ground and walked back to the truck. I looked out at the bright sunny day that definitely did not match my mood, all I felt inside was a dark hollowness. Ever since Cody died I don't feel like I have a purpose, I dropped my scholarship to University of Tennessee and got a job at a local gas station. Mom was upset that I dropped out at first but she understands that I'm just not ready for that.

I decided to try to get some sleep to pass the time. I was getting bored with looking out the window at houses and scenery.

I was sitting on the front steps waiting for Cody to pick me up so we could ride around. I heard his old Chevy rumbling down the street making a smile stretch across my face. I jumped up and ran to the screen door to tell mom I was leaving.

" Cody's here I'm gone!" I said poking my head in the front door

" You two behave, I'm too young to be a grandma!" Momma called from the kitchen

" Okay Momma, love you!" I said before shutting the door and walking across the street where Cody parked. I opened the door to see a smiling Cody.

" Hey sweetie" I said leaning over and giving him a peck on the lips.

" Hey, I missed you." He said giving me another peck.

" I missed you too." I said leaning against him

" You ready to go?" He said putting the truck in drive.

" Yeah can we stop for something to eat?" I said looking up at him and poking my lip out.

" Anything for my princess." He said giving me a smirk. I shook my head and rolled my eyes looking back to the small road. After stopping at Dairy Queen for food we just drove around talking and laughing like we usually did.

My arm was being shook making me wake up to see my mom and reminding me that it was all a dream.

" We're at our new home." Mom said smiling widely

" Yay." I said sarcastically

" Honey I know that this is hard for you but it will work out in the end I promise." I rolled my eyes and opened the truck door stepping onto the gravel. I looked at the house that stood before with a black tin roof, white paneling and a big front porch. I've never lived in actual house we always lived in the same trailer but the years had taken it's toll on on it.

" Mom how are we affording this?" I said as she walked up beside me.

" One of your father's friends was kind enough to let us stay here for free until we can start paying rent." She said wrapping and arm around me.

" Oh." Was all I said as we walked towards the house.

" Now there's two rooms that you can choose from the one you don't pick we can use it as guest room for your sister when she visits." Mom said as we stood infront of the door. She opened the door revealing a tan living room with light colored carpet.

" The rooms are down the hall, the master bedroom is mine and Daddy's." She said walking away to the kitchen. I walked down the hall to my right, there was a bathroom on my right and two doors on my left. I opened the first door and saw a room the same color as the living room with one window and white sliding doors that led to the closet. I closed the door and went to the other room, it looked about the same except it was a bit bigger and had two windows side by side.

I walked back down the hall and saw Daddy walking in the house with our suitcases and air matresses. He sat them down on the empty living room floor master as Momma walked back in.

" Did you find the room you wanted Harleen?" She said handing me my suitcase.

" Yeah." I didn't talk much anymore, talk is cheap. Everyone just forgets what you say anyways. I didn't used to be like this, I used to be strong willed, hard headed and opinionated but I just can't seem to find that girl in me anymore. After my bed was fixed I laid down and down what I've done every night since Cody died, I cried myself to sleep wishing I could be a little girl again when the world wasn't such a cruel place to be.