Thoughts of a sad soul

the ramifications for being who i am.

I look at myself in the mirror and see a young woman. But I don't know who she is. I don't know how she came into existence, how she became so hopeless and lonely, how she came to be alone.You see, this girl in the mirror used to be beautiful. Not because of the way she looked or how she dressed, but because of who she was.

She would sit and listen to other people's problems for hours and be there strength. She would wipe away their tears and hug them tight and let them know that everything would be alright. She would tutor the football players every morning and every afternoon. She would find a good thing in the worst of situations; even when it involved her. She would just be herself.

But this person I see staring back at me with a dead gaze isn't that girl anymore. She isn't happy anymore or strong or free or fun. She is hollow, dead, lifeless, lonely, and scared. And I don't know how it happened. I guess along the way the pain that was inflicted upon her turned her hard and cold.

She sat back and wached one too many times as her best friend snatched away the boy she liked for 4 years. She plastered a smile on her face as she listened about all of the wonderful dates they had. She let herself turn into what everyone else wanted her to be, but not what she wanted to be.

And soon she started to slowly shut everyone out. She started to turn down the invitations and ignore the texts. She would cancel the plans and lay in her bed and sleep. And no one noticed. They still haven't. And they never will.