"Crazy, but not your individual crazy. MY CRAZY."
"Italian nationalism. And about eighty years before Mussolini."
"It's like in EDM music when they talk about dropping the bass."
"How about you just not fall off the stool, Paul?"
"E! For existential angst!"
"Having just heard you play like that im gonna go to my office and cry. Just kidding."
"Like baby pigs. Let's wean you off Mother Metronome."
"Line up on opposite sides of the room, first and second violins, and face each other. Like a violin firing squad."
"What moves faster? The speed of light or the speed of sound? Who said sound? You're wrong! Well the moral of the story is you'll play together better like this if you trust your eyes, and not your ears."
"Could you do things that are obvious without me pointing it out?"
"Could you play together, please? Like, change your notes at the same time? Captain Obvious here. Thanks."
"There's this thing called rhythm. Which people were not adhering to."
"Oh stop. Stop. Everybody just stop. I'm gonna go curl up in a ball."
"That is not how the rhythm goes."
"Cellos! Stop being weird!"
"The intensity of the note needs to be more of a taper. And no, not like those weird pig things." (tapirs)
"This time, could we play quarternotes rhythmically instead of jumping ahead? You were rushing. Where are my claveis?"
*yells over us already playing softly* "PIANISSIMO! Play really really softly!"
"Hello! I am trying to instruct! And you are obstructing!"
"You will need to wear clothes. Well wear clothes every day please! I mean your concert clothes."
"I'm talking. I don't need a soundtrack."
"Who keeps trying to give me soundtrack? Please stop."
"Some people were talking about changing into concert dress on the bus. If you're into that sort of locker-room trickery, sure. But id prefer you dress in a bathroom or whatever like a normal person."
"When we get on the bus we're gonna hear the 'please cut your bus driver out of the seat in case of emergency. And here is the body fluid kit, please don't spill your body fluids.' Schpeel."
"We're gonna get our stuff after the festival, put it on the bus, then we'll invade Bellevue Square."
"We're in GRAND Ballroom K, as opposed to Regency Ballroom K."
"Paul are you okay? Just getting some water? Well its been a few months since the Waterbottle Incident, so go ahead."
"Thats how it works. Why? Physics. Thats why."
"It's sounding like 'ruh ruh ruh'. Scooby Doo may as well be conducting this if you don't get it together."
YOU ARE READING
Shit My Orchestra Teacher Says
RandomThese are random interesting things my orchestra teacher, Mr. Dyvig has said, which the orchestra has labeled as "Dyvigisms". Here they are for your enjoyment, with little-to-no context whatsoever.
