I've put off writing this for awhile ha...well it's starting. I'm getting closer to her. She's everything I have right now. She's my best friend and I'm confused but I figured it out for now. I'm gonna treat her like my girlfriend. Oh god why, we kissed. I can't even remember how I felt...she was my first kiss and I can't even remember it. Isn't that sad how grief can eat your memories? Everything is blurry...did I really feel this way at one point? I can't remember it feels like I woke up from a dream. I can recall a few important details but the rest is a blur I know happened but can't remember the exactly... all I know is that I have to be here for her... no matter what I'll be here. I may not know exactly what I want but I know what she wants... Im willing to give her that. I message her a bunch of times while listening to fall out boy. Everything I do has to be done with music too...When I cry I'm playing music, when I'm smiling and happy I'm listening to music, everything has music.. I feel like I've said this before oh well. She doesn't respond, she's probably still asleep. So I go on safari and read some more of my current fan fictions, no judging right? I didn't mean to get addicted to them...it all started with me just trying to find out more about the hunger games when I stumbled upon fanfiction.net...then I realized there was a whole world of this...where anything could come true...all the perspectives you can see it's amazing. So from there I found divergent ones, then Percy Jackson, I discovered Nico di Angelo from those and loved the character...so then I read all the PJ books so I could understand. Then came the band fanfics, the occasional shadow hunters fanfic, and anime. All these genres however gave me so much perspective. I love seeing different views and understanding why someone did something, I become more accepting this way and I just love it. Reading fanfics gives me a way to see and learn new things I never saw before...and it just interests me. Ashley isn't too big on reading them...I send some to her but she doesn't really read. She's always been a writer, I however am not. So me even writing this story is odd. But I want, no I need to get some of this off my chest. So enjoy more of this nonsense.
