The Secret Holder

XX: Rosea Sonitum

It's nine o'clock at night, and I'm sitting on a swing in the park. I hear some jogging from behind me, and then someone sits on the swing to the right of me.

"Look. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told them,"

"I'm not mad, Scott."

"Really?"

"At least not at you," I make eye contact with Scott to show him that I'm not angry, and then I look away again. "Why do things have to turn out like this? I always lose."

"I don't think you'll always be losing. I think it just looks like it right now." Scott reaches over and takes my hand. "Kira told me what you said."

"About what?"

"About how 'Stiles always wins',"

Blush fills my cheeks. "I don't know, I don't think I really meant that." I laugh nervously.

"It doesn't help that we're never allowed to say anything to him," Scott says, probably trying to make me feel better.

"These secrets...they're just making me feel farther and farther away from him. I feel like he doesn't even know me anymore...He probably won't want to know me when he finds out about what I've been keeping," I won't cry. Not again.

"It'll be tough for a while, but he'll understand." Scott reassures me. He smiles, and then we get up and head back to the cars.

...

Being on Scott's couch again is really hurting my back and I can't sleep.

Flustered, I get up and turn on the dimmest kitchen light and start pacing around the table.

"You looking for something?" Scott half-laughs from behind me.

"Uh-huh. My mind."

"Very funny. I don't think you'll find that in the kitchen, but you can have whatever's here."

I look around and open a cabinet. "We could have...'Sleepytime' Tea,"

Scott does that smile that makes his eyes get all squinty. "Okay. Count me in."

He pulls up a chair at the table and we talk for a while. And it's so easy to talk with him. Looking into his eyes doesn't hurt my heart, and listening to his voice doesn't make my throat sting. I could get used to this. In fact, I could do this forever.

MONDAY, AFTER SCHOOL

Scott and I meet afterschool at my car. It was a bleak Monday to say in the least.

Scott offers to drive, and I take him up on it. He starts pulling out of the parking lot, and I almost drift off to sleep. Suddenly I have this strong feeling that I need to be somewhere.

"Scott...Can you take me to the Stilinskis'? There's something—I need to get some of my things,"

I feel so driven to find the item, but I have no idea what it is. Oh—so I know it's an item and not a person.

"Okay. We're here. Maybe we should try to make this quick...to avoid external conflict."

I give Scott a strange look.

"English test."

I just nod. "Well, we'll see if this is a quick turn-around, won't we?" I say to myself. I really need to find whatever is in that house. I jump out of the seat and slam the door, running into the house and up the stairs.

I hear Scott saying, "Wait up," but he's already far behind.

I open the closet in my room, and pore over the boxes. "Where is it, where is it, what am I looking for?" I mutter.