Sky Pirates

moon shaped

it's been months; probably half a year already. it's not like they fought or anything. but isn't that just like life? as much as he hates to accept it, things get in the way and people fall out. as though something out there tries its damndest to rend good things apart, some god or the universe or time, testing them of their worthiness or whatever.

he's always known, in all honesty. but since they were best friends- no. in fact, they were more than that- he never fully admitted to himself that he was going to be the one with all the excuses. the worst one: i have so much on my plate right now. kinda busy.

hoseok always understood. he just liked calling. and he always just forgave. until one day hoseok stopped and namjoon wondered if he didn't deserve good things. and when he realized he was being selfish, he wondered if hoseok deserved good things and he wasn't going to be that for him.

so when hoseok comes out the door in that black hoodie namjoon remembers that he loves -could still smell it, that clean and sweet detergent and cologne smell he has, all the reasons and apologies vanish in his throat and namjoon just... falls.

the other boy looks up from his phone and his pretty cupid's bow stretches at the sight of namjoon.

"hey you" he says almost breathlessly, eyes turning into crescent moons with none of the resentment namjoon thought would be there the second words are shared between them again. in fact, hoseok sounds pleasantly surprised. happy, even. and that makes it so much worse.

if it felt like years for namjoon, just how long did it feel for hoseok?

and how good was he that after all this time of ignorance, he'd still smile as genuine as he did all those moments when they were still young at heart and thought nothing but the idea that they'd never, never go away from each other?

"hobi..."

"don't go crying on me now"

namjoon exhales, bending forward slightly as he tries to hide himself wiping his tears. hoseok playfully kicks him on the side of his leg.

"it's fucking freezing out here. let's get coffee" the boy says.

namjoon thinks the arm that's linked in his is warmer than anything any cafe could offer.

---

it takes a while for him to start, but hoseok doesn't look like he minds. namjoon knows he's waiting, softly staring at the way namjoon's thumbs trace the swirl patterns of his coffee cup. it makes him self conscious, so he stops. hoseok lets out an almost inaudible scoff, doesn't look up.

"...hoseokie-" namjoon pauses. "how do i go about this?"

hoseok's brow shoots up when namjoon stays quiet a while. he chuckles.

"imagine that, me, making the eponymous kim namjoon lose his words"

"i'm... huh? eponymous in what universe?"

namjoon doesn't hear it, but he's almost certain hoseok's mouth forms the word mine.

"yah, namjoonie" the older boy shakes his head. "you're still kinda stupid when it counts"

hoseok's laughter pulls something in namjoon's chest and suddenly he's feeling.

"i am sorry. i am sorry, hoseokie, for being stupid. for not answering your calls. for calling you out. for dismissing your pain, your thoughts, your words, you. for letting myself get numb. for making you think i was too busy for you-"

"weren't you?"

"i was not. i was just... tired. but not of you. never of you-"

hoseok grabs his arm, pulls him back to sit. "you're being too loud namjoonie"

"i'm sorry"

namjoon almost wants to yell at him when hoseok gently pats his arm and just says "i know. you're forgiven. i'll always forgive you"

"why?"

hoseok laughs again, quieter this time, almost disbelieving. "see? stupid when it counts. good head on your shoulders, but oblivious as hell when it's important"

"what?"

the boy looks up this time, hand squeezing namjoon's wrist so tight it must've cut off the blood flow. namjoon's head feels light.

"can i just say, you're one hell of a guy, namjoonie?" hoseok starts.

namjoon's brows knot further.

"i don't need to elaborate" hoseok says. "only, you forget sometimes. and you let your stress get to you"

"i... i do, don't i?"

"hell yeah, you do. and your habit of just filtering everything out when you get inside your head kinda pisses me off sometimes. i know you like your secrets, but sometimes i wish you'd let me in on some of them"

"so... so if you know that about me, then, why do you just keep quiet about it?"

hoseok breathes in deep. "because thinking you know a person completely is a conceit, no? i don't know your reasons. i don't know everything. and i'm not gonna go about sticking my nose into business people don't want me knowing"

namjoon swallows, clenches his hand. "the thing is... i do want you to know. i want you to ask"

he thinks if it's also conceited to move his arm a little so he and hoseok are palm to palm. hoseok might not want to hold his hand. yet...

"then, ask me to ask you"

"how the hell does that work?"

"you know, like right now, ask me if i wanna hold your hand"

damn him.

"or just ask me out instead of wallowing in your self doubt" hoseok continues, almost teasing.

"just a hint if you're scared, namjoonie: i'm a yes person"

"then, what if i ask you now? after all that shit... then?"

in the end, it's hoseok who ends up asking for namjoon to hold his hand... and the date too, for that matter. but what really amazes namjoon about him, is just how nice the shape of hoseok's eyes look up so close.