\\ j \\
the room is dusty
yet it is immaculately clean in every other aspect
the room itself seems to seethe with
the belief in good works
and dead trees
he gestures to a red covered seat
and i sit down
wondering what he intends to do with me
now that ive sinned in front of him
he stares at me, not speaking a word.
"so are you going to punish me?"
"i could care less about that. what i do care about is the well being of my monks. there is so much impurity in this world and i think you are of a select stock."
he stares me down so hard that i can almost see him looking at me
"yet you seem to be going down the wrong path. you've been staring at other monks, haven't you?
i am taken aback. i only desire one, but he chooses to make me into a harlot
"f-father, what are you talking about-"
"you seem to enjoy looking at them, don't you? what do you see in them? a toy? a sexual pleasure?"
he leans into the desk. i see my soul twirl in his fingers.
"this is making me uncomfortable, i am a child of God-"
"shut up. does it turn you on? seeing them dressed in tighter clothes. does it make you want to touch yourself?"
for once, im asking Him for help.
He isn't listening.
"i haven't had sex in years. the last woman ive touched practically ate cigarettes and looked good for a couple of years until i let her drown from getting drunk. sex has been eluding me. so since you like the taste of it in your mouth-"
he pushes the picture of Jesus over. he goes around his desk and grabs me by the hair.
"why don't you get a taste? ive been ooh so lonely, and you can't defy your superiors."
i shed a tear. he pulls something out-
