// m //
"what is it with you?"
through broken sleep he whispers a few words
"i've loved you since i first saw you here."
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Table of contents-
i tried
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to change
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closed my mouth more
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tried to be softer
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prettier
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less awake
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fasted for 60 days
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wore white
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abstained from mirrors
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sex
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slowly did not speak another word
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i slept on a mat on the floor
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i swallowed a sword
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i levitated
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went to the basement
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confessed my sins
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and was baptized in a river
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got on my knees and said
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amen
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i whipped my own back
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and asked for dominion at your feet
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i threw myself into a volcano
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i drank the blood
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and drank the wine
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i sat alone
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and begged
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and bent at the waist
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for God
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i crossed myself
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and thought i saw
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the devil
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i grew thickened skin
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on my feet
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i bathed in bleach
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and plugged my menses
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with pages from
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the holy book
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but still inside me
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coiled deep
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was the need to know
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are you cheating on me?
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she sleeps all day
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dreams of you
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in both worlds
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tills the blood
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in and out of the uterus
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wakes up smelling of zinc
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grief sedated by orgasm
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orgasm heightened by grief
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God was in the room
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when the man said
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to the woman
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"i love you so much"
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wrap your legs
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around me
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pull me in
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sometimes he'd have
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her nipple in his mouth
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she'd whisper
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"oh my god"
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that, too
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is a form of worship
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so what are you
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going to say at my funeral
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now that you
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have killed me?
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here lies the body
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of the love of my life
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WHOSE HEART
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I BROKE
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WITHOUT A GUN TO MY HEAD
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here lies
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the mother of my children
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both living and dead
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rest in peace
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my true love
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who i took for granted
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most bomb p/ssy
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who, because of me
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sleep evaded
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her god listening
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her heaven will be
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a love without betrayal
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ashes to ashes
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dust to side chicks
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he bathes me
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until i forget their names
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and their faces
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i ask him to look me
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in the eyes
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when i come home
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why do you deny yourself
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heaven?
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why do you consider yourself
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undeserving?
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why are you afraid of
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love?
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you think it's not possible
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for someone like you
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but you are
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the love of my life
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closing the book
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.m to j.
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