exhale.

Happy

[Disclaimer: I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer on this, so I won't...but if you can guess what this disclaimer would be about...feel free to complain about it or something]

What does it mean to be happy?

Again, it has a definition in the dictionary. Happy. An adjective. To feel or show pleasure or contentment.

I think that's a pretty terrible definition. Honestly.

Such a bland definition for such and expansive and complex feeling.

Then again, most definitions of feelings tend to be; I've noticed the trend.

I won't waste my time trying to describe yet another indescribable feeling, because it seems that the best feelings are the ones you can't quite describe, so I'll leave it at that.

But, happiness, true happiness, is temporary.

And I think it's better that way.

I used to frantically chase happiness, search for it in every nook and cranny, and I would always come up blank. Either miserable, or just content. Never truly happy.

I searched in vain because I thought being happy would make everything better, erase all sadness, quiet my troubles...but then...I stopped searching.

I realised the world, especially emotion, isn't just black and white, happy and sad.

Of course, it's always better to be happy than to be sad but,

If you are always happy, it will slowly begin to lose its meaning,

And the feeling will fade.

Why? Because science.

The feeling of happiness is scientifically caused by a chemical called dopamine, which is released in your brain. And like anything, when you are exposed to it constantly, you develop a resistance, and it take more to make you feel that way a second, third, or hundredth time.

Dopamine. It's a drug. Losing it's efficacy. Maddening to find. Dangerous to overdose.

Hence, I prefer to let happiness find me when it may, and revel in it when it does. Sometimes the temporary nature of something is what makes it better, more beautiful. you enjoy it in the moment, never taking it for granted because you know it won't last forever.

But it will come back.

Happiness will find you if you let it.

I believe I have inside of me
Everything that I need to live a bountiful life.

- Cynthia Erivo, I'm Here