dear self | soukoku

16 | a friendly reunion

- Chuuya's POV -

February 3

"D-Dazai?" I say as I quickly look up to Dazai.

I see him trying his best to smile.

I quickly get up to get a nurse. After informing them that he's woken up, they send me to waiting room.

Once again, I am left in this familiar waiting room with my thoughts.

Oh god, what if he heard me? I feel like I'm going to be sick.

He'll definitely make fun of me. What do I do?

I guess could just play it off... I could say that was just for show.

What if doesn't believe me? I guess I'll just see what happens.

//

"You can come in now sir." A nurse says to me.

I quickly get up and walk to his room.

Once again I'm hesitant to open the door. I decide to open the door quickly just like ripping off a bandaid.

There he is. Sitting up like a dumbass with my bouquet of flowers. I clench my fist hard.

"Camellias are my favorite. Thanks." He said, smelling them. I clench my fist harder.

"What?" He said, noticing I was staring. My knuckles are turning white now.

I couldn't resist the temptation. I run to him, wrapping my arms around him.

He's taken by surprise as I embrace him. To be honest, I'm surprised to.

"Well this is new." He says.

"Shut up." I reply, still hugging him.

He wraps his arms around me.

After awhile, I notice Dazai slowly let's go of me.

"Wait...just a little longer." I say to him.

"Ok."

//

"So do you know how long your gonna be here?" I ask Dazai.

"I think they said a day or so."

There was a moment of silence between us.

"You didn't hear anything I was saying, did you?" I asked nervously.

"Nah, the only thing I heard was wake up." He gave me a grin. "Why? Did you confess a deep secret to me?"

"N-No!" I said, relieved.

Silence.

"Dazai...what were you doing on the bridge the other day?"

"That was...because...I didn't feel great that day."

"Were you actually going to...jump?"

"No, not that day. That bridge always clears my mind. It makes me feel calm."

"Are you actually gonna do it someday? Commit suicide?"

"Yeah."

"You're so weird." I said, partially sad.

He gave a sad smile.

"Why'd you get shot Dazai? What did you do?"

"To be honest, I have no idea." He started counting on his fingers. "Hmm let's see the people I annoyed... Ah, I annoyed Kunikida when I burned his precious notebook. But that was just a prank of course, I burned a fake. I don't think he knows that though..."

"I don't think he'd shoot me because of it. What kind of bullet shot me?"

"It was a sniper bullet." I replied.

"Proves my theory, Kunikida only works with hand guns."

"I only annoyed one other person and that'd be you." He said, holding up two fingers.

"What if they try to attack again?" I said, worried.

"I guess we'll just have to make do." He said, shrugging.

"Do you not care that could get hurt again?" I said, slightly mad.

"What am I supposed to do? Cower in fear? Stay in my apartment? The best I can do is continue with life." There was a moment of silence. "Chuuya, do you perhaps, care about me?"

"No! I just-I just don't want to get shot too!"

"I see." The sad smile came back.

"About that time at Disneyland..." He started.

"It's fine. We don't need to talk about it." I said, not looking at him.

I heard the door open from behind me. "Visiting hours are up."

I sighed. "Well, see you then." I said to Dazai.

As I got up, I felt him grab the back of my shirt.

"Be careful, ok?" He said, not looking at me.

"Y-Yeah, of course."