Save Me From Myself

M is for More

' Amonth had passed since Alyssa's surgery. She was more than ready tomove on with her life but had found herself trying to destroy it. Shehad became preoccupied with death, and was in a dark place mentally.She still loved Wade to pieces, but found herself struggling with thechanges inside her. She spent most of her time unpacking and any freetime pushing the limits of life and death.

Cuttingwasn't the only nasty habit she picked up, she had started smokingagain. She vowed after she had gotten away from her father she wouldquit but the stress of going back made her pick them back up.

Alisat on the couch, cigarette resting in her lips, and a pocket knifein her hand. She was cutting her wrist and watching it heal. She hadbeen doing this for days. Wade sat back and watched her, worryingabout her.

"Babe,give me back my knife." he reached for it.

"Ijust wonder if I can die now?" she questioned pulling away fromhim. She put the blade to her neck.

"Don't!"Wade grabbed her arm and wrestled the knife away.

"Sorry,"she held her head down, "I used to be so fixed on dying, that thethought of not being able to die is off putting."

Wadehad been dealing with a darker version of his Ali cat, she had beencutting, and even tried to jump off a bridge. He had to keep a closeeye on her. It scared him because he was convinced that her newhealing ability was caused by the heart and lung transplant and wouldgo away so soon as her body got rid of his DNA.

"Ithink you will be fine to die in eighty or so years." He kissed herhead gingerly.

"Letshope so."

Shewas dealing with the torment that her father had put her through. Mentally preparing herself for what she had to do. She had relivedevery night she was in that house with that man since her motherdied. Wade had found her several times stabbing the ground repeatedlyand crying. He wished she could talk to him about it, but didn't pushthe issue.

Theyhad decided that since they moved to the country that maybe sheneeded a new car. It would save them tons in cab fare. She had thetrunk loaded with the gear she thought they'd need, and Wade addedthings he knew they would need. She closed up the trunk and wentback in the house.

Morningwould come early and they would be making the long trip. She had amillion thoughts in her head, and he could tell.

"Babe,do you need a distraction?"

"NoWade, I need.. I don't know what I need." Her mind was foggy andshe had a hard time focusing.

"Wannatake a ride?" He raised his eyebrows pointing at his crotch.

"Notnow." she was distant.

"Alicat what's wrong?"

"Ijust have something on my mind," she sighed looking away from him.

"Whatis it?"

"Justthinking about how I can't wait to off my father."

"Iguess that would be a mood killer."

"Canwe go over the plan one more time?"

"Yeslove. We sneak in, I go in first disarm and restrain. Then you cantake out your frustrations on him, before killing him."

"Thenyou dispose of the body, while I get anything out of the house ofvalue."

"That'sright babe."