Smile.
That's all that ever happens.
You feel depressed and someone asks or you go out in public? Smile. I am fine.
You're emotionally/spiritually hurt? Someone asks or you go out in public? Smile. I'm alright.
Someone pulled your strings and touched something sensitive? Don't cry. Hold those tears in and smile, I'm alright.
Being treated like shit? Just stay happy, put on a smile. I'm perfectly a-okay.
It's only when you're alone do you let those tears show. You allow those hurt emotions to capture you in their grasp.
You want someone to save you from the darkness, to help you climb those steps to feeling better.
But that never happens does it? You're stuck in this loop of never ending pain until that miracle. Until someone actually does help you.
That's the case for most people.
I want someone to actually say that they care. Someone to say "You're not" when I push that I'm okay. I want someone to say "I love you" .. No, not my family. Not my online sister or brother. My real family doesn't give two shits.
I'm not allowed to see my real father, who I don't even know because he wasn't there for me when I was baby. Nor when I was a kid. He wasn't there for me all my life because he's in prison. And I can't see him because my mother doesn't want me to forget the man who took care of me.
Took care of me? I was only twelve when he started treating me like shit and he still does. And yet they blame me whenever I do something that they did?
All I want is to shut myself from society. I have no one but two people. Sometimes I can't handle the pain and resort to cutting or thinking of suicide, and only those two people talk me out of it.
As many times I was hurt by those two people, I only have them.
I just want is to curl up and cry, let it out. But no. My "family" will hear me and ask what's wrong. I can't tell them they're the problem became I'll get lectured.
I don't know anymore..
