Crybaby

Chapter 3

(TRIGGER WARNING: WILL GIVE THIS SYMBOL, :(:, WHEN THE TRIGGERING PART STARTS AND ENDS. THIS APPLYS FOR ANY CHAPTER WITH THIS TYPE OF CONTENT.
THANK YOU, DANI)

Half of the bottle of liquor was gone. My makeup is smeared from crying so much and my hair is tangled from pulling it with frustration.

I stumbled into the room Rakim gave me and filled up the bathtub. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and the toaster.

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What is the point of living? My brother is dead, I have been unemployed, lonely, and depressed since I've graduated high school. I'm too poor to go to college and I'm just a worthless piece of shit living in some strangers house.

What have I become? I'm a stupid ugly bitch with messed up teeth and and a stupid crybaby. And most of all, I murdered my own brother.

The water sent shivers down my spine as I stepped into it. It's cold, like my horrible heart. I picked up the knife and made multiple cuts on my wrist.

Yes this is petty, I used to do this in high school a lot and it somewhat helped me express my feelings, but why should it matter? I'm stupid anyway.

I made cuts on my thighs as well. The toaster was heating up. I cried and cried. Then it turned into brutal sobbing, gasping for air as I poured out all of the pain I felt in my heart from the abuse, the rape, the trauma, the murder, the hate, and finally my once warm happy heart becoming stone cold.

I trembled as I reached for the toaster. Voices in my head were saying "MELANIE IS A CRYBABY, EWWW LOOK AT HER TEETH, SHES SOOOOO ANNOYING, SHE IS JUST A BITCH"
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I covered my ears and screamed then yelled, "Stop please, just stop."

Rakim unlocked the door and ran in. What the fuck Melanie. I picked up the toaster and threw it into the bathtub.

Everything went black.

I sat up quickly and started to cough. Rakim ran into the room. "Oh thank goodness you are okay, what were you thinking Melanie? You could've killed yourself. You are so damn lucky I walked in and heard you screaming. What the fuck happened?

I winced as the cuts on my wrist and thighs started to bleed. I began to cry. "Melanie, please don't cry at least try to tell me what happened first." I sighed and wiped away my tears.

I explained to Rakim the horrible life I've been living, all of the pain and trauma I've felt throughout my entire life. Then I told him what happened to my brother and how evil my "grandma" is.

Rakim sighed, "Melanie you tried to kill yourself. You were letting them win. You should show them they all of the shit that they have don't to you has not stopped you, that you will thrive and become the best you can possibly be."

"Do you have any talents?" Rakim asked. I sighed, "I used to sing, but Im not even that good." Rakim looked at me blankly, "Melanie, how are you supposed to say you cant sing when I haven't heard you? Let me hear."

I sighed once again, I closed my eyes and started to sing Toxic by Britney Spears.

"Baby can't you see, I'm calling.
A guy like you should wear a warning.
You're dangerous, and I'm falling.

Too high. Can't come down.
Loosing my head spinning round and round.
Do you feel me now?

Taste of your lips on on a ride, you're toxic I'm slipping under with a taste of your poison paradise. I'm addicted to you don't you know that you're toxic."

Rakim stared at me with hip lips parted. "Melanie, you are amazing." I smiled showing my teeth, then I remembered, my ugly teeth. I took a shaky breath and held back the tears.

"Melanie, I know there must be a lot going on in that little head of yours, but you are young, beautiful, and have an amazing personality. Taking your precious life away from the people who love you is horrible. So please if you ever come close to cutting yourself or attempting suicide again, call me immediately."

I nodded even though I'm not making any promises, Rakim and Ms. Alice are all that I have. But they aren't really close friends, they just have pity for me because my life is such a fuck up.

"I wasn't lying when I said your voice is great, I'm still caught off guard." He chuckled. "Do you play an instrument? He asked. "I play a little guitar." I said.

Rakim perked up and showed a big smile, "Melanie you have so much potential I am going to help you, you deserve the world and I promise I will give it to you."

"Rakim why are you so nice to me? You allow me to live in your house and now you are going to help me with a music carrier." I asked

"You must not know me." Rakim said with a smile. "I am A$AP Rocky" he said proudly.

"A$AP who?" I asked laughing. He stood up and grabbed my hand gently mindful of the fragile cuts.

He lead me to a small room that was basically a studio. "Melanie I'm not a real este manager, I am a full time rapper. I don't know anything about selling houses."

"Well shit." I said laughing. "Well shit it is Melanie."