After all that time

Chapter 1 - Finding ways

Harry was just done putting everything from his suitcases into his closet, having arrived not more than 2 hours ago at his house in LA. The filming for Dunkirk at the outdoor sets was all wrapped up in Europe, now there were only a few weeks of filming left, and those will take place indoors at the Warner Bros studios in LA. Until then Harry had about one month of free time to spend with no obligations on the acting job. Even just to say that he had an actual "acting job" was still so new to Harry, he sometimes wouldn't believe it himself, would he not have been in the middle of it all, at the real set with all those real actors just a day ago.

But now. One month. Harry doesn't remember a time when he had that much time on his own since the beginning of the X Factor. Of course he already made plans to invite his family and spent some quality time with them in LA, maybe even go on a spontaneous holiday. But in the meantime he could as well take advantage of the magnificent weather and rust relax, maybe gain some color as well.

He stripped his clothes off, deciding that his boxers would have to suffice. Sue him, he just likes to be naked. And because he was alone in his house, it wasn't as if somebody would come to disturb him anyway.

As he walked into his spacious kitchen, Harry realized that he could do with something to eat first, what really wasn't that unexpected after an eleven hour flight from London to Los Angeles. And maybe also because he was always hungry.
After checking the fridge (he mailed his assistant a list to go grocery shopping to have a few basic ingredients at home when he arrived), he decided to do an easy stir fry. Just as he was in the middle of slicing the peppers and chicken, the doorbell rang. Well so much for not being disturbed. On the way to the front door, he tried to think of somebody who would come to visit him in the middle of a Sunday, especially because he didn't tell any of his LA friends that he was here yet.

Harry opened the door and - hold on, what?

The person standing there, looking exhausted and definitely very much hesitant to even be here, was the very last person Harry would have expected. Harry let his eyes wander from the bare feet in a pair of vans to the spider web tattooed on the shin, over the adidas shorts and a black skate tough tank top that he knew way too well. He looked up to see beautiful lips surrounded by a scruffy beard, a button nose and then - finally. As he gazed into those blue eyes, which were already staring back at him, seemingly doing a double take at his lack of clothes, he was lost of words. He never would have imagined to see those eyes in person during the hiatus that they took. And now here they were, holding so much emotions, which Harry couldn't really make out yet, staring back at him with a questioning gaze.
Right. Maybe he should say something.

"Louis."

"Harry. Hi." Louis seemed to be surprised that Harry didn't scream at him or send him off right away. And don't get him wrong, Harry would have plenty reasons to do so. But in that moment he was a little overwhelmed with just seeing him again, and that he was here, at Harry's house.

"Umm..." Louis anxiously looked at Harry again, with hesitant eyes.

"Oh, right. Umm... Do you want to come in?" Harry asked. Louis seemed a little surprised again, knowing that he had no rights to expect anything from Harry, but gave a short nod and stepped into the foyer. And Harry was a little surprised of himself as well. He spent months trying to talk to Louis and all he got was a cold shoulder and rejection lined his way. But Harry was not one for holding a grudge that long, and it has been a few years after all. And he was immensely curious why Louis was here in the first place. So he could try and start with being a nice host.

"Do you want a cup of tea? And I was just about to make my famous stir fry, we can share it if you want?" Harry asked as they walked in the direction of his kitchen.

"Oh. Umm. Just a cup of tea would be nice. I'm not hungry. Thanks."

"You sure? Not even a little bit?" Now that Harry looked closer, he could see that Louis was a little skinnier than he was during the promo season for MITAM at the end of last year. He couldn't help but wonder if Louis was alright. Losing weight was always a sign that he was under a lot of stress or pressure and took it out on himself.

"No thank you. I'm good." Louis half-smiled.

"Alright. Well I will try to hurry, I'm sure it won't take longer than 10 minutes. Do you want to sit and wait on the sofa?" Harry knew that it was not the best way to send you guest away so you can cook but he just needed a few minutes to gather himself and think about how on earth he should manage the not so usual situation of his ex-boyfriend being here after all these years of not even close to being friends.

"Yeah okay." Louis turned around and started to walk, but then he faced Harry again. "Umm... where is your living room?" He blushed.
And right. Harry forgot. Louis hasn't been here before.

"Oh right. Just out that door again and straight through the foyer. You can't really miss it." Harry explained. "I'll be there in ten."

"Okay. Thanks." Louis turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

After the door was closed, Harry let out a huge breath and sank backwards against the fridge. What on earth was Louis doing here? Why would he come to Harry's house without texting or calling first? Harry just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Louis was in fact there. In his living room, waiting for Harry to be done with cooking.
Which... Cooking. Yeah, that's what he was about to do.

So Harry pushed all those thoughts aside for the moment and put a pan on the stove to heat up. While the peppers and chicken roasted in the pan, he cooked some water to make two cups of tea. Reaching into his cupboard he pulled out all of his teabags, searching for some Yorkshire tea. Finally he found the right ones, not having used those in a long time. He usually drinks just herbal tea or something like that when he is alone.

He put milk in one cup and sugar in the other and filled both with the hot water to let it sit for a few minutes.
With the stir fry finished, he gathered some of it in a bowl, set it on a tray together with the now finished cups of tea and made his way over to the living room.

Harry cautiously opened the door, half expecting Louis to have changed his mind and not be there anymore. But no, Louis was still there. He sat facing the windows, overlooking the garden (Harry has to remember to thank his gardener, it really looked amazing), so he hadn't noticed Harry coming in yet.

Harry took some time to look at Louis again. He had one leg crossed under the other and one arm resting on the armrest. He looked beautiful of course, because when does he not? But still Harry could see that something wasn't right. Louis looked slightly tense and a little tired as far Harry could tell from his place facing Louis side.
Closing the door at a normal volume, but not to startle Louis, Harry made his presence known. Louis turned to face the source of the sound and smiled slightly when he saw Harry.

"Hey there." Harry smiled back. "I hope you didn't have to wait too long".

"Oh no. I'm fine. Your garden looks beautiful by the way." Louis said. "Thank you for the tea".

"You're welcome. I hope it's alright". Harry waited for Louis to take a sip of his cup, hoping he remembered to prepare it the right way.

Louis brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip, face changing immediately into something between wonder and awe. "It's perfect Harry. Like always..." he trailed off.

Harry wanted to say how he never could forget things like that or things about Louis in general, but decided it wasn't the right time to admit that. So he settled on a small "I'm glad".

They sat there in silence for a moment, Harry eating his stir fry and Louis occasionally taking little sips from his tea (he always took ages to finish one cup, Harry remembered).

"So... umm... why are you....","Listen Harry, I know I'm not..." they both spoke at the same time, stopping after they realized.

"Not what?" Harry asked.

"Not on the list of persons you are happy to see I can imagine..." Louis trailed off with a sad look on his face.

"No. Lou." Harry said, cringing at the slip of the nickname. "Yes, I'm really surprised that you are here, I would have never expected you to show up just like you did, I mean... why would you after all this time? But no, I am happy to see you. I really am."

He knew he was too forgiving and the look of complete surprise on Louis face on hearing Harry's words showed that he thought that too, but let's be real, it was Louis. He has always been Harry's weak point.

"Oh. okay.... I just thought after all I've put you through..." Louis wondered out loud as he looked into Harry's eyes, searching for anything that showed him Harry had meant it.

"Yeah, Louis. I remember what you did to me. Don't think I don't. But I just... I don't think it does me or you any good if we scream at each other right now and start a fight. We would just hurt each other all over again..." Harry explained, remembering how fast both of them always were to throw insults at each other if fights got heated.

"I can see you clearly have something on your mind. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, right? So why don't you just tell me why you're here and then we can go from there... Is that okay with you?"

"Why would you think that I...?" Louis tried denying his intentions.

"Louis... Don't play dumb with me. I know your body language... And right now it is obvious that you are fighting with something in your head and clearly are not happy... Just tell me. You know you can trust me, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have come here." Harry tried to form a convincing smile.

"Well..." Louis started. "I don't really know why I came here to be honest... It's just... I really don't know... Maybe I should leave" He sighed. "Yeah, I think it's best if I leave..."

Before Harry could even process what Louis just said, Louis awkwardly stood up, and with a sad smile turned to leave the living room.
But Harry was fast enough to shake himself out of his trance and catch Louis wrist softly in his hand.

"Wait! Please, Lou..." This time Harry used the nickname on purpose.
Louis tensed under that little contact of skin on skin and stopped.

"Harry..." Louis seemed to be undetermined whether he should stay or leave.

"Lou, come on. Please sit back and talk to me. What's going on?" Harry asked. "Everything alright between you and Danielle?" He decided to bring up what was like a little stab to his heart every time it was on the news.

At that Louis shrunk visibly and let himself be led back onto the sofa. They sat down next to each other, Harry still holding Louis' wrist in his hand, so he tugged on it to gain his attention.
Louis looked at him and as his eyes met Harry's, he inhaled a shaky breath.

"What's wrong Louis?" Harry asked again, stroking his thumb over the pulse point at Louis' wrist.

"Nothing's wrong, Harry... I'm just exhausted as fuck." Harry knew that Louis avoided the truth, but didn't interrupt him. "Filming for AGT was great, but not a good time having to be away while being in the middle of Freddie's custody battle and of course I'm supposed to have enough time to make my girlfriend happy as well." Louis looked down at his lap but did not take his hand away from Harry's grasp.

"Oh yeah, I heard about the custody battle. How's that going by the way?" Harry remembered exactly the moment when Louis revealed he was going to be a dad last year. His heart literally shattered for the second time in his life, after the first time because of their breakup in 2012. Every little ounce of hope Harry had stored in his heart of ever getting back together and starting their own little family was destroyed with that one little sentence.