The Chronicles of Jeffrey

7th Grade Stories

Catchphrases and Fire

Jeffrey made up a whole lot of catchphrases and switched between them. They are:                             - Conage (Carnage)                          - It's a conspiracy!                          - All of Canada is my horse.         - Marijuana               - Soul demon               - Pain and suffering               - It's all part of the Plan.

Joe and Jeffrey went through a phase in the beginning of the year in which they talked about setting things on fire, even fire itself.

How Canada Became Jeffrey's Horse

It technically started back in 6th grade because Jeffrey would always say he was going to kill me and Joe. One day, he said something crazy and his story-telling gig was born. He said he'd bring a katana to school with him and would kill me and Joe during lunch.  But Joe, being our Lecturer, told Jeffrey that everybody would notice us getting murdered. So Jeffrey changed the story and said that he would kill everybody in the cafeteria and use a smoke bomb to escape. He continued and said the police would get there, so he would sneak out of the campus in his helicopter. Lecturer tried to correct Jeffrey's logic and said that one of the policemen would grab his leg or something as he entered the helicopter, but Jeffrey just ignored him. According to the story, Jeffrey had a secret headquarters behind a random waterfall. As the story continued, Jeffrey visited an airport to get to China, and he somehow transitioned into being in Canada and that country being a barn animal.

The Tale of Elizabeth Courtyard OR How Jeffrey Got His Glasses 

One day, Jeffrey came to school with glasses on. He made a strange excuse for them and told another story to do so. It began with Elizabeth Courtyard, a high school-age girl, coming to our middle school and losing her glasses in the hallway somewhere. Jeffrey found them and somehow met up with Elizabeth. For some reason, Elizabeth said that Jeffrey could keep the glasses. Anyway, Elizabeth went to the future in a time machine, got in a car with her future self, and was murdered in the vehicle.

The Shoetanic and the Hissing Spider

Apparently, Jeffrey did strange things in his math class, too. From what he told me, that is where he created the Shoetanic with his friend. But when I was told that the shoe was the Titanic and the iceberg, I got really confused. We didn't really talk about it much after that until about a month later, when Jeffrey helped me understand better by explaining that he used his Vans shoe as the Shoetanic and his friend used his shoe as the iceberg.

 Jeffrey invented another thing that used the Invisible Watch Theory, and he called it the Hissing Spider. He would put his hand on the lunch table like a spider and he would lift his middle finger every time he made it hiss. One complete hiss would be illustrated by lifting the finger once, pausing for a second, and then lifting it twice.

Oh, Janitor... 

Jeffrey likes to keep the trash from his lunch and use it in a way that involves the Invisible Watch Theory. Sometimes I snatch his trash away from him when he isn't paying attention and I throw it away or recycle it. One day, Jeffrey was playing around with the lid from his bottle of Gatorade. I grabbed it, but I accidentally made it fall on the floor behind me. Jeffrey insisted that I give it back, assuming I had it and not the floor. But when I turned around the janitor was behind me and she was sweeping up the bottle cap into her dust pan! I laughed my head off as she went down the aisle, cleaning all junk in sight. I invented a catchphrase for myself that day, and I say it to annoy Jeffrey. I say, "Oh, janitor..." as if I'm calling for her so that she can steal Jeffrey's Gatorade lid again.

Earbuds, the Plan & the Committee Council

One day, Jeffrey had a pair of earbuds wrapped around his hand at lunch. He made it so that one earbud was sitting on top of in between his index finger and middle finger, and the other one sat on top of in between his ring finger and pinky. He called this figure Headphonio. If one of the eyes (earbuds) was not present on his hand, he called it Headset. The part that you would plug into a headphone jack was called Chaga (charger) and was considered the tail of the creature. Who knew one thing could have three different names?

It all started with Jeffrey's final catchphrase of the year (It's all part of the Plan), one he would use a few times in 8th grade as well. When I asked him what the Plan was about, he said it was about the planning of the plan. I asked him what that meant, and he said that the Plan's objective was to kidnapping celebrities. A few days later he started talking about the Committee Council, which apparently is supposed to be the group of people in charge of the Plan. He started talking about their secret headquarters, which was supposed to be underneath the school library. Jeffrey said that if you pulled out a certain book from its shelf, it would activate a secret set of stairs leading to the headquarters.  Jeffrey said that the Committee Council was made up of five members. When I asked who they were, he said that he was one of them and that Joe was the president. I asked who the other three were, and Jeffrey said that they were two beagles and his sandwich. He kept telling me that there were many secrets the Committee Coucil knew that I didn't, so I said I wanted to join. Jeffrey said no, but to annoy him Joe said yes as the president. I told Jeffrey to admit the secrets that didn't exist, but he said no and not much later he removed me from the Committee Council.

Yogurt, Munchkins, Onion Rings, and Oreos

A group of people was tossing around a plastic can of yogurt one day because none of them wanted it. Not being able to stand their immaturity, I got ahold of it and kept it, planning on throwing it away at the end of lunch. Jeffrey wanted the can, but I kept it anyway. He caught me off guard and snatched it away from me, but I didn't care. A few minutes later he started banging it on the table the way someone would bang their fist to emphasize something. Bang! Bang! Bang! CRACK! The yogurt container split open down the side on the fourth bang. A bunch of yogurt spilled out in front of the can and a tiny bit got on Joe's forehead. After the explosion, Jeffrey started call that specific can of yogurt The Demon Yogurt because of the mess it made.

The Munchkin Story is the shortest, easiest to remember story that Jeffrey ever made up. This is exactly how he narrated it:                                                                                                                             Once upon a time there were two munchkins, Munchkin and Munchkin 1. One day, Munchkin decided to start kicking me while Munchkin 1 read a book. Then the Supreme God                     That's all Jeffrey ever told, because I started to write it down at that point.

CAST LIST FOR THE STORY

                                                                Narrator                       Jeffrey

                                                                Munchkin                     Me

                                                                Munchkin 1                 Joe

                                                                Supreme God            Jeffrey

 Jeffrey went to Sonic with his dad one day and ordered something with a side of onion rings. The person over the intercom said, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of onion rings." "NO ONION RINGS?!" Jeffrey screamed, and he lost it. He turned over tables and flipped over chairs. He destroyed Sonic.

Jeffrey created imaginary Oreos in the bottom compartment of his lunchbox, and he calls them his children. So every time that I grab his lunchbox and open that compartment, I say "Oreos!"