ill // phan au

t w e l v e

I didn't understand why I was running; it wouldn't fix anything. all I ever did was run and cry.

I suddenly came to a stop and to my surprise, someone ran right into me, pushing me over.

I almost regret everything as I though it as chris to yell at me for going to phil when I wasn't supposed to in the first place but I then turned to see phil also on the floor.

he scrambled to get up and offered me a hand then hoisted me up.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" he asked me, anxiously waving his hands around me without a clue of what to do.

"I'm fine." I assured him and he nodded, letting his hands fall to his sides and let his head fall.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I ignored you, why I didn't tell you, I'm sorry. I'm a mess and I'm so angry to the point where all I want to do is cry and punch something but all I'm doing is closing myself off because I can't cry and I feel so empty and I am so sorry."

I was a bit shocked but I reached out slowly and placed my hand in his cheek, taking a step forward and looking at his face.

he was his usual pale self but the bags under his eyes were darker than usual and I could almost feel the frustration he was filled with that was strong yet weak as he stared at the tiled floors.

"it's okay," I told him. "I was simply surprised and upset that you did that to yourself. I'm sorry about what's happened and about your loss."

his brows furrowed slightly. "my mum despised me so why am I sad? my entire family doesn't like me, so why do I feel bad when anything happens to them? I'm a mistake to them so why did I cry at my mum's funeral?"

"because you care for her and them." I whispered and the pain in his eyes were immediately replaced with anger.

"I'm pathetic. complaining isn't going to do me any good. cutting isn't going to help. crying like a little bitch isn't going to help me either. my family hates me and that's just how it's going to stay."

"phil?" I said quietly but he moved away and leaned against the wall, covering his face with his hands.

I attempted to reach out to him again but when I placed my hand on his shoulder, he swatted it away and glared at me.

I took a step back in fear he would shout at me and placed my hands at my sides.

"don't comfort me, I don't deserve it," he snapped and I could see his jaw clench as he turned his face away.

"I just wanted to help-" I tried to say but another voice interrupted me, making me jump.

"phil!"

chris ran down the hall and took phil's shoulders, shaking him softly.

"I thought you promised to stay in the room until you felt safe enough to leave," chris scolded but phil didn't seem to care at the moment for he pushed chris away from him angrily.

"don't touch me."

"let's make this easy, okay? get back to the room," chris said but phil was pulling his own hair now and his body shook slightly.

chris's expression remained emotionless as he took phil's hand to pull it away and didn't budge when phil slapped it away.

"I said don't fucking touch me!" he yelled, pushing chris again.

"push me one more time and I'm not going to hold back, alright? get moving." his voice had become very low and intimidating but phil wasn't at all bothered.