How To Write Poems like A Broken Person

Second choice

I have so rarely been someone's first choice and because of this fact I've grown to have so many nicknames, second place, missed call, forgoten text, third wheel, best friend, daughter. These are all names I've come to accept as reasonable responses to my existence.
"Call me if you need me" I think I'm going to change how I say that from now on. "Call me if you need ME. ME. not someone to empty your beating heart brusied backhanded you're  going to be back together with him in the morning comments. I am a person not your live in therapist I am more than flesh and bones for you to cut and scape your broken glass feelings into because you know that after you will just replace the pain with "thank you for letting me vent". You took your words out on me like a baseball player beats his record on a long shot you told me you appreciated me and what I did for you....As I lay there bleeding in the sidewalk Crushed teeth and pale skin you walk past me because you felt entitled to my ears. Because I was there. I was accessible. Because we as human want to carry the least amount of pain and grief we can and when we see an unexpecting victim a void not as dark as the words we need to say we latch on and kill with no reaction we leave them like a one night stand. Some people forget wallets at a bars.... you forgot I'm human. .but when I need anyone anything

8:15pm

" hey I need someone can I talk to you"...sent, received

"hey how are you i miss you" sent. Received

"hey so I'm crying and I really need someone please just answer me" sent..received

3:15am

*bing*

"Yeah hey sorry I didn't answer I was asleep"

"it's fine. I'm better now. Don't worry".

I don't understand how I can put so much of myself into other people and they don't care or they can't see that my 80% is not being met by their 20%. But they probably don't care. It woudnt surprise me. "Hey man I need someone to talk to you up?" Received *I went back to bed. I hadn't slept in days I just needed sleep and I was sure you could find another trash can friend to empty your pockets into and be done with it but of course I always get a "I thought you were gonna be there when I needed you! ..I'm sorry..."I'm was crying how could you...I'M sorry....I just needed a fri... I'M SORRY I ONLY EXIST WHEN YOU NEED ME. I'M SORRY I ONLY EXIST WHEN YOUR POCKETS GET TO HEAVY TO CARRY ON YOUR OWN BECAUSE YOU DIDNT LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR OWN BULLSHIT WITHOUT DRAGGING SOMEBODY, ANYBODY DOWN WITH YOU OR PUSHING THEM UNDER THE FRIDGE LIKE ICE CUBES... YOUR COLD HARD THOUGHTS LEFT ME SOAKED AND ALONE. Do not tell me I wasn't there. I was there. I'm always there. It just happens that one night you didn't feel like dealing with your problems so you wanted to give them to me to hold for the night so you could sleep soundly. Here let me play with your hair as you put rocks in my pockets and push me out to sea while yelling "God I hope you can swim."