"What do you mean I can't have a birth certificate?!" I ask, eyes wide in disbelief.
"She gave birth to her, she exists." Noah says, eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
"I'm sorry, but the law says that she had to make it to twenty four weeks for a birth certificate to be given, you gave birth at twenty two weeks and six days." The nurse says sadly.
"But that would mean I'll have no record of my baby." I say in disbelief.
"I'm truly sorry." She says but I'm not having any of it.
"No!" I shout, rage running through me. I see the nurse jump and Noah look at me with wide eyes, but I don't blame him. This is the first emotion, apart from sadness, he's seen me show in a good few days.
I haven't left the hospital, not wanting to leave my baby here by herself. Plus, the doctors weren't too keen on me leaving, something about my mental stability.
"I carried that girl inside me for almost six months. In those six months her heart was beating and she was alive and growing. Now, if you're telling me that I'm supposed to pretend that none of that ever happened then there is no telling what I'll do." I say quietly but I only see remorse in the nurses eyes.
"Ma'am I understand that you're feeling ange-" she starts but I cut her off.
"No! Don't even try telling me that you understand the pain I am going through right now!" I shout, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"I do understand, because I've had a stillbirth too." She says and I instantly feel terrible for what I just said.
But I still feel this dying urge to punch something, I need to release some tension. I look to my left to see a wall and with all my might, I throw my fist at it.
The pain is there but it's not enough, I punch it again, and again, and again and only stop when I'm being dragged away and into a warm embrace.
The sobs escaping my throat don't even begin to show the amount of pain I have inside me.
"There is blood all over your shirt sir." I hear the nurse say.
"I don't care." Noah says into my neck as he hugs me.
"You will care when her hand gets infected." She tries again and Noah hesitantly lets go of me enough so that the nurse can grab my injured hand but he's still holding me.
"This is going to need some bandaging and it's going to scab up and bruise really bad but it doesn't need stitches." The nurse informs us but I only care about the fact that Noah is giving me the warmth I so desperately need. "I'll be back in a moment to fix your hand." She says as she stands up but her eyes catch the wall where I notice splotches of blood stand out against the off white walls. "I'll get someone to do something about that too." She says as she leaves.
I stare at the blood on the wall and without thinking, try to get out of Noah's hold to do it again, but he holds me in place, watching me with tear filled eyes as I struggle to release more tension.
"Baby please stop." He whispers as I continue to struggle. "Please." He tries again and when he doesn't let go, I turn and wrap my arms tight around his neck, fisting the fabric of his shirt in my hands with my face stuffed into his neck as I cry hysterically and I feel his arms wrap around me tight with soft cries leaving him. "I can't bare to watch you hurt yourself." He says, his voice cracking at the end.
"I just want my baby." I cry out painfully.
"I want her too." He whimpers and grips me tighter.
I feel my knees go weak and Noah gently slides down the wall to sit on the floor with me in a ball on his lap.
I feel sleep coming over me and I don't fight it.
"You would have made the best dad." I whisper before darkness takes over.
