Chapter 21 - Getting the control back

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Human mouths moved as I stood up, giddy, grabbing for wall, door, the sounds as if another language now. Too late to explain. I tried, I really did, my mouth opening, but all that came out was a sound, agony, pain, fear, a growl, the sound of a caged animal who was willing to fight to the death to get out again.

I had to get outside. He was near. I had to escape.

I stumbled outside, yanking jacket off, shoes, dropping the ring into one with the last bit of control I had. Slipped and slided as the snow and ice failed under sock covered feet, and ran for the forest as the change started. If they followed, I couldn't tell, conciousness was fading as rage, anger, fear sank in, and the urge to run. I ran. 

Run away.

Only half-concious of what was happening, I ran, tearing clothing off as it restricted movement, paws pounding on the ground, clogged with panic and fear that only a wild animal could feel. Fear of cages, of collars, of danger. Stone, maybe a road, maybe not, and then circling around to avoid the stone 'road' because some part of me remembered that it meant danger too. Forest. A lot of forest. Something was following me. It made me hesitate, made me twist around, but then I had to keep running when I saw it was two legged.  I couldn't get my mind off it though. Even as I tried to run away, even as I led it away, I had to keep my eye on it. Stalk it. Watch it. Something about this two legged thing made me obsessive about where it was. Only... it wasn't dangerous. 

I must have run a long way. When I came to, I was surrounded by forest, naked and covered by a thin blanket. It was morning, the early morning light coming through the dense snowy forest, and I was curled up on my side on a blanket. I couldn't remember what had happened, what'd I'd done, just smelling something and the panic that'd come with it.

Wait. A blanket?

Nick was sitting perched against a tree ten metres away, watching me, fully dressed and with a backpack beside him. 

"Hi." I tried, voice cracking, trying to stand up. I didn't know what I'd done as a wolf but I knew what'd happened yesterday, remembered every last detail of it, heart breaking all over again. My family. All my family. Matt hurt. The master trying to find me. 

I might have resumed panicking but Nick's eyes were in mine and somehow it seemed to stop it. I didn't move as he yawned, a lazy easy movement that told my panicked self 'Nothing to stress about', not rushing, as if nothing was wrong. I didn't have to be afraid.

"Hungry?"

I nodded and Nick strode slowly across the snow, relaxed, the bag across his arm.   Nick hoisted me up and yanked his jacket off, wrapping the warm thing around me, a warm kiss joining it. "Feel better?"

"No." I leaned into him, trembling, and let him help me dress.

"You dropped this." Nick pushed the ring on my finger, before covering them with the mitts, his hands threading through mine.

"Didn't want to loose it in the snow."

He smiled, leaning down to kiss me again, wrapping arms around me in a warm hug. I didn't flinch or back away and it tightened. "Good thinking. You led one hell of a chase but you were one hell of a gorgeous wolf."

"It was the smell. Sorry. I didn't... I did it again, lost control again."

"Yesterday was ..." His voice tightened as he couldn't seem to finish that. "Here. Hold onto me." Nick yanked me up, hoisting me onto his back. "Dad, she's all right now."

"Antonio's here?"

"Mmhmm. We didn't want to panic you too much so I waited closer." Nick nuzzled me. "You can run when you want to, you know."

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