The return

Anniversary

Meredith Grey had a day off. She wanted to stay home and spend time with the kids, but then she got a call from the hospital. There was a car accident and she was urgently needed. That was her life, her every day and she was used to it, but this day was different. Today is the anniversary of Dereks death. She thought it would get easier over time, but it didn't. She did adapt to the new situation, but it never got easier. She had dreamt of him every night and everything was so perfect in the dreams, she wished she could sleep forever.

When she got to the hospital, she ran into the OR.
"Dr Grey, this is going to be a tough one!" Dr Bailey seemed hopeless, but Meredith didn't want to think of the worst.

She wanted to save that poor guy more than anything. She wanted it too much, because she lost her husband on this day. She wanted it so much that she completely broke down when she couldn't do it. Meredith Grey was crying in the middle of the OR. She was broken. Her soul shattered to pieces. She lost her mother, her George, Izzie left, Lexie and Mark died, her person Cristina left, love of her life – Derek is dead! She was devastated. She tried to hard to make everything okay, but nothing was okay anymore. After the breakdown she had in the OR, she just wanted to go home. She just wanted to go home.
"Mer, can you please take care of some paperwork before you go."

"Of course Owen." She tried to smile, hide what she was feeling at least for a moment. She wasn't embarrassed of what happened. She was embarrassed she couldn't save that man's life. She felt helpless. She couldn't save anyone she loved...anyone.

"Hey, you should come over for dinner tonight, you and the kids. We'll make dinner, okay?"

"I'm tired, I'm really tired. Another time."
She wanted to go home. She wanted to hug her kids and tell them what a superhero their dad was.
She wanted to keep the memory of him, but at the same time she wanted to stop thinking about it. As Owen was leaving she heard someone mention Derek's name.

. . . . . . . . .

"Mrs, for the last time, Dr Amelia Shepherd is the only Dr here with that last name."

"But, but... I don't understand. I need Derek. DEREK Shepherd! Please tell me where he works now?"

"Mrs, he is dead"

Those words pierced through her heart. Izzie started shaking and she thought she was going to collapse. Derek is dead? Derek Shepherd is dead? She couldn't believe it.

"This is not happening! Come on, wake up Isobel! This is just an ugly dream..."
She started to hit her head and cry. She couldn't control her emotions anymore, she couldn't control her body.

"Mrs, do you need help?" a nurse tried to help her, but Izzie just pushed her away. She didn't want that stranger close to her. He should have been there. They all should have been there. God, what happened to Alex?! Is he dead too? She thought of the worst...

Ah.. I'm sorry, I... He was my friend and I didn't know.. I used to work here, he was my boss.. tell me, how did he die? Last thing I heard was that there was a plane crash, but he... he didn't die then... Mark and Lexie.. yes, they died, not him..."

Her voice was shaking, and a tear came down her cheek. Derek Shepherd is dead.

"A car accident Mrs. Almost three years ago."

"What about his wife? Meredith Grey? Is she alive? Please, please tell me she's okay."
Mer, Cristina, Alex, dr Bailey.. Oh God, please.. Izzie started crying, she couldn't do this. She felt empty. She felt alone. How the hell did she get here? How did she allow herself to have no one? And in that moment of desperation she heard a familiar voice.