The Shy Girls Secret

Compunctious

               I'm sorry I am such a horrible human being that you can't even say my name, that you can't even look at me. I think about you 24/7, hoping that your okay, wondering how your day is going, thinking of how I can help you; just for you to tell me you don't care.  I'm sorry you can't trust me. I'm sorry I always mess everything up and I can't ever do anything right. I'm sorry that I disappoint you. I'm sorry that I am tired EVERY single day because I am up every night crying and ridiculing myself. I'm sorry I suck at sports, and my grades are dropping, and I am slowly giving up. I'm sorry I am struggling to pray daily and go to church and seminary. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be or act how I should. I'm sorry you wasted thousands of dollars on me. I'm sorry that I constantly hurt you. I'm sorry that it seems like I don't care when I am really just trying to protect myself. I'm I can't do public speaking and I'm too shy to be as confident as you. I'm sorry I'm fat and ugly and can't be the perfect model you want me to be. I'm sorry that I'm too sensitive. I'm sorry I annoy you and it's hard for me to stand up for myself. I'm sorry the only way that I can really put any part of out there is to right books under an anonymous name and hope that complete stranger may like it just to realize that I suck. I'm sorry that I can't be good enough to help them when I know that they are going through a lot. I'm sorry that I lie. I'm sorry that I pretend. I'm sorry that I've fronted so much that I can't really remember the real me. I am sorry that I hurt everyone that I come into contact with. I'm sorry I am so selfish and that even though I know that other people have it way worst then me and I still complain about my life. I'm sorry I hate myself for everything I put everyone through. I'm sorry what happened to me is a reoccurring night mare. I'm sorry that I'm horrible at coming up with jokes and that I laugh way too much when I hear one. I'm sorry that I can be so sarcastic but it's my only defense mechanism I have. I'm sorry that it is so hard for me to make choices because my mind was always made up for me. I'm sorry that I make you guys argue. I'm sorry that I can be so childish at moments. I'm sorry if I have ever hurt you before. I'm sorry that I will never be good enough. I'm sorry for wasting your time, I'm sorry for wasting space, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm stubborn sometimes and I don't want to listen.  I'm sorry that my eyes are too big, and my hands and feet are too small. I'm sorry that my hair gets frizzy and my thighs are too big. I'm sorry that I slouch and hide my face I'm sorry that I walk really lightly and that I am afraid of the dark. I'm sorry that I still sleep with stuffed animals and a small pillow from when I was 1 years old. I'm sorry that I love light pink and that I can be envious of others. I'm sorry that I believe everything people say to me and that I am extremely gullible . I'm sorry that I'm clumsy and I walk into walls and trip over nothing. I'm sorry that I can only apologize for 651 words. I'm sorry that I'm sorry and I'm still struggling to not be.  I'm sorry for being me.