The meeting group started well I thought listened to a couple of guys give there speeches about why they were here an how bad their addictions were an so on, not that I were paying that much attention though to be honest cause I kept getting distracted by Novak he seemed to have this air of coolness an seemed some what casual to say the least which was unusual given the current surroundings an I admit he intrigued me gr8ly . He kept doing things as well that made me wanna laugh but also made me think he was quite more complex than most people think he is. I tried to stop staring though as he caught my eye a couple of times an I felt embarrassed for staring so much.
Then Robert asked if I would like to Speak about my addiction to heroin an my feelings an why I were here , I looked around the room I saw everyone looking at me even Novak had turned his attention to me with an expression I couldn't read an I wanted to speak to be able to talk an tell my story like everyone else but I also felt suddenly sick that sorta feeling you get when you know you're about to do something you don't wanna do an then emotions started to whizz through my head about my hatred of myself for getting into heroin in the first place,the sadness of losing my dad, the humiliation of being an addict an the guilt of having to know that bam was funding my stay in this addiction centre for junkies ..it just all span through my head an then I felt like being sick but also like crying an I just stood up
said "I'm sorry I ...I can't do this right now" an stormed out back to my room an slammed the door in futile frustration an collapsed onto my bed staring up at the ceiling tears now running down my cheeks I felt awful an wished so hard for some heroin to just escape it ALL .
I wiped my tears away an continued to stare at the ceiling for a good half hour before Linda knocked my door an tried to talk me into coming to her office for a chat but I refused telling her I didn't feel like talking to her right now so she said fine she would come back later I sighed an continued staring at the ceiling .
Another 20 or so mins went by an I heard my Door go an continued to stare at ceiling thinking it were still Linda again I said " I thought I told you I didn't want to talk to you right now?"
"Well that's fine sweet heart but I just figured you could use some company after walking off like that"
I sat up on my bed Novak was stood in the door way of my room smiling 《his smile was gorgeous》 I said "I guess i could use the company " smiling back at Novak as he walked over to me an sat down next to me .
"So then maxi" he said looking at me directly his beautiful face merely inches from mine "What was the reason for that anyway,why did you just walk out?"
I looked at him my heart was beating so fast as I imagined just going for it an kissing Novak right on his perfect lips but then I remembered we were just friends an he probably didn't think of me that way so I replied "because I ..I wasn't ready to talk about it especially not in front of a group of people I don't even know I mean it's just my business not theirs why should I have to tell them any way"
I almost shouted the last bit an Novak looked at me with an understanding look on his face to which he said "I know exactly what you mean I've been in this place for over 2 months now trying to get off heroin which I admit is starting to work but when I got here I didn't want to tell anyone my problems an that either cause I thought what's the point of telling random strangers my life story an hearing theirs when it's going to change nothing in terms of how I feel towards heroin except bring up painful memories of why I'm on it in the fucking first place"
I smiled he really did understand an the way he explained himself so eloquently made me feel like I could listen to him talk forever I also I wondered if when he said he understood that he was letting me know that he'd been filled in on my situation by bam an Ryan an knew exactly why I were here an stuff.
He stood up an asked me "hey wanna go grab a drink with me sweet heart?"
"Yeah of course ,but I don't really want coffee or juice at the moment thanks" I said
He laughed an said "I meant a real drink like beer or wine or something "
I laughed an said "I'd love to but we aren't allowed to leave the premises unless accompanied by a councillor or a responsible person stated on our sign up forms so we can't"
He smiled an said "Yeah well heroin addicts don't know the meaning of can't sweet heart follow me"
So intrigued by this notion I followed him out of my room an down the hallway to the end where there was a door that said "advanced" on It In silver lettering I looked at Novak an he caught my look an said " it's my room" an smiled opening the door .
