Heart Of Phantom

"When You're Gone"

     I woke up the next morning from a loud crack of thunder.

     It was raining very hard. I couldn't figure out why I was dry. But when I looked up, I saw Phantom's belly keeping me dry.

My book was still with me.

     I held the small book close to me as I emerged from under him, and he was standing shivering, and soaking wet. "Hey buddy," I said to him.

     He looked at me, and nickered. Lightning struck with a brilliant flash, and then a deafening clap after it.

     Phantom shuttered, but stayed put. He was clearly scared, but he didn't dare move with me near him.

     I took the jacket that I was wearing, and I draped it over his back. "Maybe this will help bud," I said. He made a tiny noise, and then he nudged me to go back underneath him.

     "No, I can't," I said giggling a bit. He looked at me, clearly annoyed. "I'm going to go back to the barn, and I'll get you a sheet to keep you drier," I said to him. The rain picked up and I couldn't hear him nicker at me.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as I walked towards the gate. Phantom followed me. I got to the gate, and I opened it, then closed it behind me.

Just then, my aunt pulled in, and following her was a backhoe tractor.

     She parked her car in an open spot, and pointed toward Buster's stall. I understood immediately.

I tried to clean myself up a bit, and I walked to her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her cheeks were damp. She came over and hugged me. I hugged her back.

She broke away from me. And said a simple sentence, "Where do you want him to be buried?" I pointed behind the barn. There was a tiny hill, and if you look over that hill, there is a small lake that you can see. I wanted Buster to look over the lake.

She nodded. The tractor moved to that position, and began digging a hole. I walked into the barn, and grabbed a turnout sheet for Phantom. It was completely black.

I walked back to Phantom's gate, where he was waiting for me. His legs were covered in mud. "So much for cleaning you up huh," I told him quietly. He nickered.

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. Phantom pushed his head closer to me. Finally I lost it, and I started crying. I hugged his shoulder as hard as I could, and he put his head around me.

I dropped the sheet on the muddy ground, as I sobbed. Phantom nickered to me and "hugged" me tighter. "I'm sorry buddy," I said, "let me put this on you."

I reached for the sheet, that was now soaked in mud, but only on the outside. I draped it along his back, and he froze. He held his breath. Whenever I moved the blanket along his back, he would shudder.

I looked at him as I began hooking the clasps that held the blanket in place. When I was done, he acted like he wanted to run around, but he didn't want to, because he knew I was sad.

Thunder rumbled in the distance. "It's okay, get it out of your system," I said giggling a little bit. He didn't move. "Go on," I began, "you're a horse, not some robot."

But he still wouldn't budge. "Ok well I guess I'll be leaving now," I said with a smile. I climbed over the fence, and when I was gone, he galloped away. I shook my head and smiled.

Since the ground was soft from the rain, the tractor finished digging the hole within an hour or so. I was in Buster's stall. His lifeless body was stiff.

I put my hand on his head, and sobbed. I got up when I heard my aunt approaching. She was holding several straps.

"They want us to hook these around him, so that they can remove him," she said quietly. I nodded. We took the blanket I had draped over him off, and we put the straps around him.

"Ok now we need to wait for the tractor to get in here," she said. "But how," I asked. "It will fit the roof is high enough," she said back to me.

Within a few minutes, the equipment made its way through the barn. Soon, some men were taking down some boards on his stall. After that, they hooked the straps to the bulldozer end. Finally, they were on their way to the hole.

Once they got there, they gingerly lowered him down. The straps were removed, and he was laying in the bottom.

I watched helplessly as they began covering him up. I saw as they covered up his head, the last time he would see light.

Before long, my beautiful boy was gone. They unloaded a large stone from the back of their truck. It read "Buster's Promise" 1994-2017.

They placed it right above where his back would be.

The rain began to calm. The men left after they fixed the boards on Buster's stall.

It took awhile, but soon the sun was shining. I spent a long while just staring at Buster's rock.

After some time passed, I knew that I had to leave. I walked back over to Phantom, who was as usual, waiting for me. I pat his neck, and climbed over the fence.

I knew he would feel better f I took off the sheet, so I walked over to his side, and I began removing the thin blanket. Once it was off, he shook, sending mud and small droplets of water flying.

I longed to laugh, but I couldn't bring myself to. He swished his head playfully, trying to get me to be happy, but my emotion lingered.

He put his head close to mine, and I kissed his soft nose. Then, he lifted his head, and bit a small strand of my hair.

I chuckled and he put his head back down. I turned and picked up the lead rope that was laying on the ground.

I put it around his neck, and I led him out of the paddock. Then, we walked to Buster.

I still had the book in my arms.

When we arrived, I sat down on the damp grass, and Phantom lay down next to me. I read a few pages to both of my horses, but after the first few pages, I couldn't bare to do it any more.

I closed the book, and I hugged Phantom as tightly as I could. He nuzzled me gently.

     I knew that it may be best to get away from the barn for awhile. To let Phantom have some time to himself.

So, I led Phantom back to his pasture, and let him go. He just walked away and ate some of the lush grass.

After that, I got in my car. I pulled out of the driveway, and I glanced at Buster's grave. I took my head quickly away from it and took a deep breath.

Then, I put my foot back on the gas and drove out. The book was sitting close by me. Finally, I got out of the driveway, and started for home.