Dark Thoughts In The Dead Of Night

96

'Go to your room'
I'll happily go mum.
You don't realise that I'm not happy.
I'm never 'but-' I'm not done.

Mum. You don't realise
That darling daughter you had,
She's long gone,
She left when she was sad.

She left me,
This mess,
This wreck,
Not to cause stress.

But so that she could escape.
Get away from the mess she had here.
Every night she would cry.
If only you could hear.

Dad. Your not innocent either.
You didn't realise I was disappearing.
You didn't realise I was growing up.
You were everything I was fearing.

Dad. You didn't realise.
That I was a teen.
I was gonna disobey you.
And never come clean.

But you didn't have to scream at me.
Or hit me in the face.
I used to be a dancer.
But I no longer have the grace.

For your persistent assaults scarred me.
I no longer stand up straight.
I no longer smile.
I'll just have to wait.

Until my 'prince charming' comes along.
You both always said he would.
But I don't think even he could make me happy.
I don't think anybody could. 

As I am depressed I'm sorry
I let this lie.
I was never 'just upset.
I just wanted to die.

Because...

Mummy daddy.
Do you really not know?
You lost that girl,
Your daughter years ago.

To depression.
To grief.
To anxiety.
To the numbness.

It overcame her.
You didn't try to stop it.
You didn't realise it was there.
You treat her like shit.

Just because 'she was there'
And 'to take advantage of'
You don't even know of
This blood of which I cough.

Mum dad, you both left me hanging here.
No pun intended.
But now you feel guilty.
Now that my life has ended.