Losing her

After effect

   It's been 7 years since my best friend killed herself. I'm much better, though I still think about her. I never did forget about her, but my life never stopped. I married a man that Lucy loved. Lance. We helped each other get through the grief of the loss of our Lucy. Yes that does sound mean, and I'm sorry. We didn't hook up behind her back or anything, she actually encouraged us to get together. As it turns out, we were more compatible than we both imagined. 

    Though we did get together and were happy, there were some that were unhappy about it for a while, Katie thought I was betraying Lucy, though we showed her it's what she wanted in the first place. Katie went through some hard times before she got better. Katie is now 17, almost 18, and she smokes but it's not as bad as it used to be. She'd go out and party a lot, and became suicidal herself. I managed to help her quit drinking, doing drugs, and hurting herself. I figured it was enough and let her smoke though I mention from time to time about how unhealthy it is for her. She lives with me for now, her parents went on a trip about a year ago and are expected to be back next year. 

    Simon is now 13 years old and doing fine. He was too young to remember the details of his sisters death, though we never let him forget he had an amazing older sister. He's in baseball and loves life, just like his sister. He even had a talent in painting. He models for me from time to time as well. Like his other sister, Katie, he lives with me and Lance.  

    Did I mention I had a child of my own? She's 2 years old. She's why me and Lance got married, and I let him decide to name her, but we both settled on the name that suited her the most. Lucy. He didn't think of little Lucy as his ex girlfriends name but rather a girl with the whole world in front of her. He's a great father, which is what I tell my friend Lucy in my notes to her that will never reach her because it's hard to send an angel mail from where I am. 

"Lucy? I know you can't respond. I know you're not here. I don't know why I keep writing to you. It's been a while since I wrote, hasn't it? I'm married now.  Lance and I had a beautiful baby girl, her name is Lucy. We call her Lucky sometimes. Katie is better now, still smoking. Simon is doing great! He hit a home run at his last game. Your parents went on a 3 year cruise, isn't that cute? 

   Hey Lucy? What's it like being a real angel. You were always my angel on earth, you know that right? Lucy... I wish you could see life now. I wish you were the one who raised this little girl of mine. Sometimes I wonder what your kids would have looked like. I love my daughter, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I know you would have done better. I just hope I can be the mother she needs. 

     Lucy? What would have become of everyone if you hadn't left? Katie wouldn't have done drugs and such. Sound's good right? Simon wouldn't have grown up so fast. Lance wouldn't have missed you so much. You know, when we started dating he wouldn't even kiss me without crying. I understood of course. He said he'd never love again if it wasn't thanks to me. When you left... I quit school. Yeah, I'm a drop out. I don't think I told you that. Somehow I managed to become a professional animal photographer. I snap pictures for some famous people too. it's funny how that worked out. Lance didn't want to go to college after you left. He takes care of animals still though, just not as a vet right now. He's trying to go back to college so he can finally reach his dream.

    Lucy. I still miss you. I wish I could tell you this little secret of mine in real life. I wish we could get giddy together, jump around squealing of joy. I'm pregnant again! I know you would have been excited to hear that I'm finally starting a family. I didn't want to move on. Not without you. But as much as I want to stay in the past, I must move on. Your family still visit your grave, giving you flowers. We miss you Lucy. I wish you didn't go.        Your best friend, Abby."