Somebody Else

Chapter 6

Sun.

Nothing but sun.

Nothing compared to another city in another country, across the Atlantic ocean.

Everyone is out and about in their tank tops and their shorts that are too short and should be considered underwear but I don't judge and I really don't care.

They all have a reason to be enjoying the sun as much as possible. I should have a reason to enjoy the sun as much as possible and even though I am literally looking up at the sun at this moment, I still find something missing.

I've felt that way since I left London weeks ago.

"Are you trying to go blind?"

I look away from the sun and look over at Emily, who's staring at me over her glasses.

I shake my head and take a drink of my green smoothie we had just bought. "I'm just enjoying the sun."

"You get to enjoy the sun in two weeks when you go to Bora Bora with your honey. Stop trying to go blind before that," she scorns me playfully.

"He asked me randomly, did you know that?" I tell her as we get into my car.

"What do you mean randomly?"

"Like it's not even a vacation. Sorta. It's a business trip for him for two weeks and I already knew he was traveling somewhere for work but I didn't think it was going to be Bora Bora."

"Are you complaining? Because I'm going to slap you if you're complaining," she says.

I laugh as I pull out of our parking spot and start driving towards my house. "I'm not but... I don't know. I don't know what exactly I'm trying to say."

"You need to relax!" She shaked my shoulder. "You're going to a beautiful island with the love of your life!"

"Yeah," I smile while holding onto the wheel. "With the love of my life..."

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"Come on, Zeppelin," I say to my dog, pulling on his leash so he can hop out of the car. I lock the Audi and stuff my keys into the small backpack I brought with me today.

I start to head down the street, Zeppelin striding next to me. I use the fresh air and the alone time, (sorta), to just think. Think about things. Think about someone.

That small pang of guilt on my chest is always there when I think about him. About what we did on that night and I start to think about the way he made me feel. I hadn't felt anything like that since... well, since the last time I was with him all those years ago.

I'm not blaming him for what happened that night, weeks ago, and for us almost getting caught. I don't even blame myself because I know that if he was to appear right now, it would happen all over again. That's just how we are.

That's just how our love is.

But I'm here in LA with Conrad now and he's in London with.. Paul? I laugh and turn into the next street.

Again, my thoughts drift back to the kitchen. Of his hands all over my skin and his eyes watching me all dreamy-like.

I clear my throat as if that would clear my head but the emotions and the sensations are still there, embedded in my mind, in my body. I still feel him everywhere. When I wake, when I go to sleep, when I'm working, when I'm not.

Again, that pang in my chest.

Conrad is wonderful and he always has been there for me from the start but... he's no Jamie. "Oh god," I groan to myself. "What the fuck have I gotten myself into, Zep?"