Somebody Else

Chapter 11 - Part 1

Maybe I should leave.

Make up an excuse about an audition. Or use Paul's injury as a pretext for us to go back to the states.

Coming here, I had had some kind of hope that I could win her back and we would spend the rest of our weeks here. But every time I see some kind of opportunity that she will come back to me, she turns around and gives her affection to somebody else.

Am I just making a fool of myself here?

What exactly am I doing?

I've been laying awake for what seems like hours but it's only been 35 minutes. I'm still staring at the ceiling, watching the fan blades go round and round, trying to hypnotize me to sleep but failing.

Just when I start to think about her again, there's a small faint knock at the door. I turn my head towards the direction of the sound but make no movement. I want to think it's her but I don't want to be disappointed when I open the door and it isn't.

They knock again, more forcefully. With a grunt, I yank the covers off me and get up from bed, making my way to the door. I grab the doorknob and pull.

"I can't sleep," she immediately says.

I'm squinting my eyes from the bright lanterns next to the door so I can barely see her. After my eyes adjust, I gaze down at her and I feel the pain in my chest all over again. Does she not know the effect she has on me?

"Jamie, I can't sleep," she repeats, her eyes all soft and innocent-like.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I place a hand against the doorframe and look down at my bare feet before I speak.

"Shouldn't you be telling your boyfriend that and not me?"

I want to punch myself right now.

The look on her face... What I said hurt and I'm not sure if that was my attention or not. I just know that I can't comfort her and make her feel better just so she can then leave and return to him.

"I get it. I woke you up so you're grumpy-" she starts.

"No, Dakota. You don't get it and that's the problem," I cut her off.

I push myself away from the door and walk back into the room. I need to calm myself down before I start saying things I don't mean. I run my hands up and down my face and through my hair out of frustration. I hear the door close and her quiet footsteps approach from behind me.

"You come here, to me, seeking comfort and you know me so well to know that I would gladly give it to you but then, when I'm done, you'll just get up and leave and go lay in bed with him." I take another deep breath and finally turn to look at her.

All the lights are out and the only way I can depict her features is from the ambient glow of the moon outside. Her eyes wide, glossy, and she's picking at her lip, nervous.

"I know I said it many times that I don't care that we can't be together as long as we're still in each other's lives but I was lying... to you and myself. I honestly never thought it possible but somehow, I'm more in love with you now than I've ever been."

There's a long pause and there's no reaction from her. She just stares back at me.

"You were and still are the greatest thing to have ever happened to me and I'm a fucking fool for ever thinking I would be okay watching you be in the arms of somebody else."

I step forward but don't reach out for her yet. She's not looking into my eyes anymore but straight at my chest, instead.

"I know I deserve this. I know this is exactly what I put you through all those years ago but I am here right now. No baggage. I crave you, Dakota. Every minute of everyday I have missed you and I still do because I can't call you mine."

She finally lifts her chin and peers up at me through her eyelashes but doesn't say a word and so I continue.

"Tell me you're happy. That he makes you happy. That you don't want anything to change and I'll-" I close my mouth and clear my throat, the words not being able to come out. "I'll leave. I'll find a way to move on because I love you. I love you so much that I'm willing to destroy myself as long as you're happy."

There are tears forming in her eyes that could mirror mine and so I grab her face with my hands and brush my thumbs over her cheeks soothingly.

"When I let you go... When I'm no longer touching you and you leave, you won't see me in the morning. But," I say a bit louder as her mouth opens to speak, "If you stay.. Stay the night with me, sleep with me."

I swallow and hold my breath for her answer. She's looking so deep into my eyes it makes me want to step back and grasp for air.

When several minutes pass, I let go of her face and give us both some space as she tries to figure out what to do. I never once take my eyes off from her but I can't really see what is going through her mind.

Then, as if in slow motion, she turns around and heads towards the front door and I can literally hear my heart drop and shatter on the floor.

She reaches for the doorknob and I shut my eyes. 

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A/N:

I know, I know but trust me guys! That is all (; -N xx