one shots | phan aus

warmth

"Can you believe all this shit?" I asked, motioning to the TV with a scowl on my face. Everything these days anymore was politics, even though they were mainly centered in America. Everyone was caught up in the news streaming from the country like a septic tank burst and was spewing literal human waste all over the lawn of the world. I didn't want to think about it, but how could I not when everyone was screaming about how sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing was the actual cause of all this? I couldn't stop obsessing over it, thought I knew it was doing no good. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't think of any way to help it. I just saw a man promoting hate rise up to power, confused and terrified all at once.

Phil shrugged. He never took any of the current news into consideration, and it was downright irritating. Our conversations on politics were always one-sided. He quietly avoided the subject, or offered half-assed opinions on it. "He's not a very nice man." Phil admitted, taking a sip of his coffee and scrolling through his tumblr on the couch across from me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Not a nice guy? That's it? Phil, I'm not a nice guy. That man is literally evil. That orange potato-fucking-"

"Dan, it's going to be okay." he said gently, never one to argue with me. "Just trust me, okay?"

"How can it be okay? They fucking elected him." I seethed, looking at the TV screen again.

"Then thats across an ocean, love. A whole ocean where we don't have to deal with him or anything he brews up."

"Eventually we will. " I stressed. "Eventually we're going to have to put up with him somehow. I can just feel it. Not only now, but probably into the future as well. Like, how is he something we can avoid? It's just not possible."

Phil sighed and stood up, closing his laptop. "I'm tired of this," he said, and his voice truly did sound exhausted. I felt bad, trailing off on my rant and lowering my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just stressed."

"He's in," Phil said "What more can we do other than make the best of it? Look, do you want to come out with me tonight? Just kinda, go for a walk around and pretend like nothing is happening. Please? You need it to."

I looked at the news on the tv, showing that hideous scrunched up face and ratty hair spewing something he knew a great deal of nothing about. I closed my eyes, nodding and standing with him. "That sounds nice."

---

We left the flat hand in hand. There wasn't much to do around where we lived, but we knew all the best places to sneak off to and be alone. I thought we might go down the path that lead to the secluded part of the nearby park, or maybe walk along the rows of abandoned houses, but Phil veered off and went a different direction.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trudging along behind him carefully so I wouldn't slip on the icey pavement.

He smiled at me over his shoulder. "Nowhere in particular. We're just wandering. Is that okay?"

"'Suppose." I shrugged. "But are we looking for anything?"

"No." He said simply.

I wrinkled my nose, stopping and dragging him to a stop in front of me. "What are we doing?"

He blinked at me. "Nothing, Dan. Just walking. Can't we just walk?"

I wanted to argue, but I didn't have any other valid points aside from the fact that it was pointless to wander in the cold in the dead of night. He could see me struggling, dropping my hand and facing me. "It doesn't all have to have a lot of point, we can just enjoy it. Enjoy each other. Not think about the world, or what we have to do. I'm sure leaving it all along for a few hours won't do anything. The mess will still be there when we get back."

I tugged on the edges of my jacket, staring at his feet and biting my lip. I knew what he was trying to say, but it just wasn't true. Ignoring it wouldn't make anything any better. But I didn't want to argue anymore, and I knew he didn't want to either. But it was all swirling in my head still, and I wanted to scream and cry because the most important person to me refused to care as much about this stuff as I did.

He took a step towards me, gently touching my arm. "What's the matter, Danny?"

"It's cold," I muttered, putting anything out there that would stop this from escalating into a debate.

"I can fix that," he said, tilting my chin up. I watched him unzip his jacket, then hold it open.

It took me a moment to realize what he was suggesting, and it made me laugh because it was just so him. "You're an overgrown child, Philip Lester, I swear." But I complied, stepping close to him and burying my face against his neck. He hugged me close, the jacket wrapping around me tightly. I listened to the falling snow (I swore snow made a sound, Phil swore that it didn't). Phil's breathing beat gently against the top of my head, warming me for a brief moment with each exhale.

We stood in silence for about five minutes, Phil kissing the top of my head every now and again. "Christmas is coming up soon," he reminded me out of the blue. I blinked, doing the calculations in my head and realizing that he was right. "What are we doing this year?" he followed.

"I hadn't thought about it..." I admitted, the blush adding to the pink on my cheeks from the cold. He laughed a bit and gave me a little squeeze.. "Maybe just stay inside with a movie and presents." He suggested. "I like it when it's just us."

Somewhere off in the distance, a siren started to wail, piercing the empty night air with its harsh alarm. My mind instantly tried to come up with what sort of tragedy was going on, what sort of badness was being added to the corrupt world. But Phil's voice broke over the sound. "So maybe we should go shopping for our parents, yeah? Like, go out and shop. We could go to the new store in the mall that has all those lotions! My mom loves lotion. Oh, we can get starbucks and really complete the basic white girl aesthetic." He was laughing, and I couldn't hear the siren anymore. Just his beautiful laughter, and how it complimented the sound of falling snow and the smell of the cold around us. I put my arms around his waist, looking up at him as he looked down at me. Blue eyes and pink skin, a smile that I had gotten so used to over the years I almost forgot to appreciate it. But I was appreciating it now, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

The smile fell away, and he looked concerned. "Dan, why are you crying? Did I say something?"

"No, no." I said quickly, wiping my eyes. "No. I just forget how good everything is sometimes."

Phil's expression warmed, and he kissed the tip of my nose. "I know you do. But Danny, there is always going to be good. In every shitty situation, no matter how big, there is always good. And it doesn't come from people like Trump, or the people rioting, or the racists, or the criminals, or the evil people. Even though the bad is all we see on TV, it doesn't make that the only reality. Does that make sense? The good is there. It's in everyone who who will be striving for a peaceful change, who will fight his evil with kindness. We can help by striving to be the good. By working to be loving, help those who need it, and create some happiness for everyone to take a break from all this constant negativity." He paused for a moment, thinking. "Y'know, I think it has a lot to do with if you go looking for the good or the bad. If you just sit and wait for the news to fall in your lap, all you're going to be fed is the horrible stuff, cos that's what the media is like. But if you really search, and want to find the positive, you will find it."

I was just staring at him, because he was always the answer. Always. I don't even think he realized how much I relied on him and his random bursts of wisdom that physically pulled me out of my dark spaces. He was watching me, a little smile on his lips like he hadn't said anything particularly amazing, just some cute passing comment that he threw at me to make me stop crying.

Yes, the world was cold. We were standing at night in the middle of winter with hardly anything practical on--save our winter jackets--and we were snuggling under a lamppost. But in his open jacket, my head resting against his shoulder, I felt so warm, the warmest I had felt in a very long time. I closed my eyes. The siren was gone, it was replaced by Phil's heartbeat in my ear, and microscopic flakes of ice hitting the ground.

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"You're it. You're that good in my world."