G H O S T • Joshler

T R A P D O O R

***Please Stay Safe. Warnings/Spoilers: Suicide Attempt

T Y L E R ' S    P O V

Silence.

Pure silence.

No TV running, or fan spinning. I can't hear Maddy snoring or Jay coughing. Just silence.

.

Not really. It's more me and my thoughts.

More or less.

I'm staring at the bland boring ceiling with the ceiling fan barely spinning, occasionally squeaking.

My hands fidget when I realize it's almost the perfect height to

Do it Tyler. End everyone's suffering. No one wants you alive anymore. Your mom was so relieved when she realized you'd be gone. Hang yourself and finish this pathetic waste of a life.

I shook a little bit. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to sleep.

No no no no. I hate taking my meds and won't unless it gets too bad. I turned to my side and looked at the dull numbers on my alarm clock. 1:16. Shoot. I need to wake up at 7. "I do not need this right now."

You're perrified. You know those drugs will poison your brain until you have nothing left and actually believe you're fine. You'll never be fine Tyler. Fine people don't need to take medications for a voice to go away. Fine people don't hear a voice at all. Freak.

I got up and went into the kitchen looking through the endless bags of 'supplies' mom gave to me.

Finally, an orange bottle with the words Vrylar appeared.

Take those drugs and you'll disappear as you know. Your mind will change to society's "acceptable". The truth is no matter what you try to drown yourself in, you'll never be accepted. So unscrew the lid, and down the whole bottle. No one will miss you.

"No one will miss me."

I gently untwisted the bottle.

"No one will miss me."

I opened it and poured the entire thing in the palm of my hand.

"No one will miss me."

No one will miss you.

Something, came over me and I dumped the pills into the kitchen sink. The world was drained of its colors and I collapsed onto the floor and got what I wanted.

Sleep.

You won't fall through that trapdoor. I'll protect you, I promise.

I was out.

.

•°•° | - / °•°•

.

I woke up on the floor of my kitchen with a pillow and blanket wrapped around me. I blinked a few times to make sure it was real. I don't remember bringing a blanket with me, and there is no way I tucked myself in and had a pillow. Did someone break into my house?

I stood up and looked in the sink for the pills.
Empty.

I looked on my left and there they were in the bottle, neatly with a cup of water next to it, that said, "Take one at a time dummy". This was getting a little too weird. I scrambled to grab all of my things and run into my room. I locked the door, grabbed my phone and quickly dialed my mom's number.

"You forgot to call last night Ty, I got nervous."

"Heh, sorry mom,  but uh, did, did you stop by last night? Or Maddy? Or Jay? Because-"

"No we were all at home last night,  we watched this adorable movie with this girl who was chosen by the ocean to-"

"Cool cool mom. Uh, are you sure?"

"Yes, sweety, you're probably just being paranoid. So again, about the movie-" I hung up.

.

•°•° | - / °•°•

.

I was freaking out. Whoever snuck into my house didn't steal anything. Nothing was out of place. They just spied on me, then tucked me in after I had passed out.

Nothing weird at all. If you're okay with someone breaking into your house! This person saw me try to overdose and then just left a letter, what the actual heck.

It's been 3 days since and I still feel uncomfortable being in my house. I hear strange noises and have the strangest dreams that I practically forget once I wake up. Then I spend the rest of the day trying to remember.

My sleep schedule has been trash and I'm supposed to start my job next week. There's no possible way I can like this.

I'm laying on my bed shaking. Blank thoughts and silence.

Sometimes quiet is violent.

The most emotionally disrupting thing you've ever come in contact with. It's your own mind.