Fifty Shades After

Chapter 14

Ana POV

We go to sit at a bench, no one is around so there is a modicum of privacy. Just being outside right now feels wonderful. "So Anastasia, what are your nightmares about"? "I go back to that hotel room and feel helpless and violated. I am angry at him and myself, Hyde for hurting me in the most horrible way a woman can be hurt and myself for not realizing how sick and desperate he was. For falling victim to his game and losing my baby in the process. All I have now is scars and pain, and I hate this. There are times when I am deep in myself I wished he finished me off....that way I wouldn't have to suffer this way. Put me out of my misery and quit being a bother and inconvenience to Christian. I mean we aren't even together and look at what he is having to deal with. I am thinking of going home so I can't hurt him anymore. i love him too much to do this to him". Flynn looks at me while I am speaking "Now Anastasia, I need to ask, do you want to hurt yourself? I need to know". "I don't know anymore.....I just know I hate what my life is like now. I feel like I am in misery and maybe things would be easier if I wasn't here to bother anyone with this bullshit. Excuse my language". He chuckles "You know Christian is my patient that is nothing compared to what I hear. But I am truly concerned on your thoughts. Now do you think others feel the same as you? Christian? Your parents? Your friends"? "They all have their own lives and right now I am drifting alone. Its hard to consider others when you hurt and are ashamed". I look off at a couple running together. That is the kinda relationship I want. I look away and being to cry. "Ana I am concerned. I don't like these thoughts you are having so I will give you 2 options.....you can stay with Christian or you can come with me and I can get you the medication and group therapy you might need? I can not in good conscienceness let you go back to your apartment. You might do something you'd regret and that is a mistake you can't always come back from". 

I listen to the doctor and realize that he is right, these thoughts are not normal and I haven't had thoughts like these since husband #3 of moms. I don't want to go to a hospital but do I want to stay and inconvenience Christian any longer than I have? Dr Flynn continues "Either way I will be prescribing a mood stabilizer and an anxiety pill for you to help you feel more like yourself. After a couple of months we can wean you off when you feel its better" I nod at this and ponder. "How long would I need to stay at Christians? I don't want to be a bother to him or his lifestyle". "Until I was comfortable with the knowledge you are not having these thoughts any longer" I nod again and Flynn suggests we start back to the apartment. I have a lot to consider. As we walk back "We can ask Christian if you'd like to make sure you staying wouldn't be an issue. If it is I will make alternate arrangements" I shudder "I don't want Christian to know my thoughts right now. I don't need him hovering any more than he already does". Flynn chuckles and agrees as long as I don't act on my thoughts.

We enter the apartment and notice Christian pacing the living room. I am actually surprised when he realized we were gone he didn't send someone to watch us. "How was your walk"? he asks. "It was interesting" Flynn replies and I shrink under his glaze. "Would you both excuse me for a moment"? Flynn looks concerned and Christian looks usual but both nod yes. I go to the bathroom in Christians room lock the door and sink to the floor. Here or a hospital. This is what happens when you are honest with your thoughts. I feel so lost and not sure what I want anymore. I don't want either. Maybe I can convince him I'll stay with Ray....then I can go off alone. I don't want to be around people right now. I get up and check the mirror to make sure I look like Ana. 

Christian POV

"So you went for a walk in the park"? "Yes Christian, with what was being discussed we needed to be away from the possibility of being over heard. You have stalker tendencies". "OK so what were you talking about"? "Nope doctor/patient confidentiality.  You should know better than that" he tsks at me. "Would you like me to share your private thoughts with her? Its the same. We all have skeletons in the closet Christian, not necessarily as dark as yours but they are there". With John saying these things I worry about what Ana has to hide from me. As I am talking to John I wonder what is taking Ana so long to come back.