What The Actual Fuck

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     As I began shoving all the belongings I had accumulated at Kai's house over the years into a suitcase, I let out a quiet breath. I walked over to the dresser and pulled out a picture frame that held a sonogram image I had gotten a couple of weeks ago. My heart fluttered as I instinctively laid my hand right above my belly button; a smile creeping across my face as I felt her gentle kick against my abdomen wall. It had felt as though four months had been more like a year, and I could not wait to finally meet my daughter in person. After staring at my stomach for along moment, I forced the picture frame into the front pocket of my suitcase. I let out a long-winded sigh, my legs shaking, as I lowered myself onto the edge of Kai's mattress.
     Not realizing Felix had appeared in the doorway, I softly whispered, "What am I going to do, babygirl? I have to protect you."
     "For one, you could finish packing all your shit in your luggage, and let me get you the hell out of here."
     Although all I wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and forget Felix ever stopped by, I forced my eyes to meet his. At once, I noticed that they were a softer grey, more sympathetic. "I know you are frustrated, but my legs are weak. And she is protesting." I looked down at my stomach, wishing I could quell her restlessness.
     "What else do you have to pack?"
     "Her baby clothes, pacifiers, blankets...oh, and shower supplies."
     "You stay right there. I'll get it."
     I watched as Felix opened the closet door and began pulling the baby essentials off the shelf. The muscles of his chest protruded against the cotton of his newly white shirt, and his leather jacket fell loosely around his abdomen. No matter what, the bags under Felix's eyes were prominent. He always looked like he could use a good nap even when he slept for nine hours the night before. When I caught a glimpse of his black cowboy boots again, I had to stifle a chuckle; it seemed to me that his choice of clothing showed an unspoken identity crisis. At least I could change up my style and not look like I just randomly threw something together.
     "Your father is highly ranked in the military, correct?" Felix muttered, shoving the baby blankets into the diaper bag I had set aside.
     "Well, yes..." I answered blatantly.
     "So he can handle himself?"
     I nodded.
     "What about your mother? Does she own any firearms?"
     "My mother has long since been exiled from my life. She cheated on my father when I was two, and my dad got custody because she was a drug addict--sleeping around for her fix."
     "Are you sure you have your story straight?" he mumbled. "I think-"
     I sighed, cutting off his sentence. "There are some inconsistencies. Blah, blah, blah. I know. I told you I wanted to call my mom earlier. Well, I didn't. I called my older sister, and she knows to pretend like she's my mother when I call her 'mom'."
     Felix narrowed his eyes at me, a growl barely managing to escape his throat. I could see that his eyes were burning a dark grey as they practically seared a hole through me. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he took a mincing step towards me as he scowled. While his white shirt fell snugly around his perfectly muscular figure, his leather jacket hung rather loosely. He bit his lip while staring at me, his face still in a scowl as he retracted his hands from his pockets and grabbed me by both arms. I shuddered at his touch, wincing some as I looked up into the thundercloud-colored eyes angrily staring at me. What is he fuckin' thinking, taking me by the arms like this? Who in the living hell does he think he is? I let out an audible whimper as I attempted to pull away but to no avail; I stayed right where I was, wriggling and wiggling under his grasp. His grip on my arms was too tight to weasel my way out of this one.
     "Let me go!" I squealed, my voice at a higher octave than usual. I had given in to the steadily rising fear just dangling above my head.
     His voice was calm and collected. "Not until you tell me why you lied to me." There was an edge to his voice I had never heard before, and it scared me a little.
     

     Laying a hand on my stomach, I reached for his. "I want you to feel something, alright? Don't be alarmed," I muttered.
     "What? No!" He hissed, taking a step back. "What the hell do you want with my hand, Silvia?"
     Although his reaction was unnecessary, I understood why he would react as he did. "Felix," I sighed. "I want you to feel her. I want you to know what you're trying to protect from this 'big bad monster'. Please, give me your fuckin' hand!"
     A sigh of defeat escaped from his mouth as he took a couple steps closer to me, offering out his hand. Taking it, I placed it right above my belly button where her foot was pressing. His eyes lit up, and the hint of a smile played at his lips. It was as if a light bulb had gone off in his head, and it seemed as though he realized he was not only required to protect me but also the life flourishing within me. Felix let out a quiet breath of air, and he looked down at me. When he averted his eyes to Jax, the beautiful hound was standing at his feet panting frantically. I couldn't tell if he was concerned for Jax's safety as well, or if he had never seen a great dane before.
     As Felix removed his hand, he looked back at me with a huff. "Did you adopt Jax before you moved in with Kai or after? Please answer honestly." He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh.
     "I adopted Jax before I moved in. You didn't know Kai hates dogs?"
     "Kai hates dogs? When did that start?"
     I looked at Felix in surprise, trying not to gasp in horror. "You didn't know your own brother hates dogs? What kind of brother are you?"
     Felix narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head with an exaggerated chuckle. "The only reason I ask is because we had plenty of family dogs when we were kids. He loved helping train them and took care of them on his own." He let out a sigh of frustration. "There has to be another reason he would tell you he hates dogs even if he doesn't."
     "Wait. Dogs can tell a human's intentions just by their scent!" I yelled. "Jax hasn't been himself since I moved in and remained on bed rest."
     "Why in the hell didn't you get out when Jax started acting weird?"
     It was my turn to let out a frustrated sigh. "We were in a new place. I figured he just wasn't accustomed to the new environment yet."
     Felix walked over and began shoving the remaining baby items in the diaper bag he had left on the dresser. Despite the situation, all I could think about was what I was going to name my baby when she was finally born. "What do you think about the name Amelia?"
    "What about it?"
     Standing up, I walked over to Felix to get within his line of sight. "For her name?" I rubbed my hand along my stomach, cradling it.
     He didn't look up as he started organizing the bottles to place in the diaper bag. "I don't like it."
     "Good thing you aren't the one giving birth, huh?" I grabbed my favorite grey sweater and pulled it on over my black tank top.
     Although seeming annoyed, Felix laughed. He finished shoving everything in the diaper bag and zipped it closed. He didn't say another word as he placed the bag next to the door and began pulling my clothing out of the two drawers I chose in the dresser. Placing them neatly in my suitcase, he began to hum "Here's My Heart" by SayWeCanFly. Tilting my head, I began to open my mouth. On second thought, I clamped my mouth closed and wandered into the master bathroom to grab my shower supplies. Looking around the bathroom, I realized the only thing I could find was my brush. I grabbed it and walked back into the room with it in hand, stopping dead in my tracks when I saw Jax growling out of the bedroom door. Felix looked at me then back at the dog in pure shock.
     "What is he growling at?" I whispered as I stepped closer to Felix.
     He held up his finger and slipped behind the bedroom door, motioning for me to stay where I was standing. "If it's Kai, tell him you just want to go home to your dad. Tell him you need time to think because you didn't buy the stillborn story. Hit home if you have to. Tell him you're in love with me or something. Do whatever you can to make sure he doesn't fight letting you leave, but make sure he follows you out the door. I need a way to get out of here and find you again. You can take my Camaro since the safehouse location is programmed in my car t the current moment. The keys are on the kitchen island," he whispered.

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 17, 2021 ⏰

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