This Must Be Something

Dreams

Arthur was running. He was running as if his life depended on it, which, given his luck, was quite likely. But then he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and fell to the ground behind a tree, blood spreading around him like fire. Then Arthur found himself lying on a clearing in the woods, Merlin's face above his own, looking down at him with such a pained expression that he had to close his eyes for a moment. But his mouth moved on its own accord and he suddenly bursted out "I don't want you to change," and, to his horror, "I want you to always be you.".

Why the hell would he say that to Merlin, of all people? Loyal Merlin, who was always there. Why would he change? And why was he on his arms feeling like he was literally dying and saying something that sounded too much like a bloody goodbye?

Arthur watched Merlin lowering his head and hesitate a bit before touching him. But then Merlin's expression changed to resolution and he pressed their foreheads together. Arthur could feel Merlin's breath in his lips, he was so close, he just had to lift his chin, he was almost there. He put his hand on the back of his servant's neck, rubbed there and tried to pull him for a kiss.

It didn't work. Arthur didn't have any force left and he let out a groan of frustration and helplessness, while his eyes closed... And suddenly he was again in the same clearing, but this time it was Merlin who was in his arms, pale as a ghost, chest still. Arthur felt a wave of panic run through his whole body, and he thought 'no, no, no, not Merlin' . Could he....? Was he... dead? His eyes filled with heavy tears as he wrapped his arms around Merlin, and suddenly he coughed and opened his eyes.

He was suffering, that much was clear. But when he looked into Arthur's eyes, his penetrating gaze told him everything Merlin hadn't dared to say before. It spoke of love, and loyalty, and utter trust, and that he believed in him. Arthur smiled fondly at him, and hugged him tightly, mindless of his injuries for once.

"Thank you," he whispered against Merlin's smooth cheek, feeling a smile forming in his face in return. Then, Merlin started trembling and went limb in his arms. Arthur didn't want to watch, didn't want to find his friend with a blank look where there used to be bright blue, no, no, Merlin, Merlin,

"Merlin."

Arthur woke up with Merlin's name on his lips, shuddering and terrified. He prayed that the dream was just a dream, that it wasn't the future. It couldn't be, there was no way he would allow that. Arthur turned to watch Merlin sleeping peacefully at his side, sprawled out in the bed and taking up all the space. He was snoring softly, and with his head pillowed on his arms he looked younger.

Arthur approached him, just so he could run his fingertips across his profile, his neck, his shoulders, his arms, and stopped at his delicate wrists. He's always been fascinated by Merlin's body, the way he was all bones and milky skin but also oddly smooth and warm. His hair was sticking out in every possible direction, and his long lashes contrasted with his pale cheeks. That's when he noticed the sweat running down his face and his slightly flustered expression.

Arthur pressed his lips against his brow and confirmed his fears. Fever. Fuck. Merlin was getting worse and he couldn't do a damn thing to ease his pain. He hadn't feel as useless as he was feeling in that moment in his whole life.

"Merlin, please, you have to promise... Promise me you won't die," he pleaded, half wishing Merlin wouldn't hear him. He wouldn't hear the end of it. But he couldn't bring himself to worry about that, not when his servant was at the death's door.

"You know I can't lose you, Merlin, dammit, most times you're the only thing that keeps me going, you know this, don't you?" Arthur let himself be honest for once in his life. "Are you going to leave me alone? I... I love you, you idiot, you have no idea of how much you mean to me, I-"

Merlin stirred. And Arthur freaked out. Had he heard him? But Merlin blinked slowly, still drowsy from sleep. He didn't seem to have heard anything.

"What... Is it time to get up?" He asked hoarsely, and Arthur found himself hardening at the sound of it. He let out a soft laugh, and assured him that no, he could keep sleeping. Merlin gave him a look, but then he sighed and closed his eyes again, curling up on his side. He was facing Arthur, who felt something melting inside him and curled around Merlin, wrapping his arms around his waist and not giving a damn about his hard cock pressing against Merlin's hip.

For a moment he feared that Merlin would pull away, uncomfortable with his obvious arousal, but he just pressed closer to him and buried his head on his chest.

Arthur went to sleep like that, inhaling Merlin's scent and thinking about healing Merlin as fast as he could in order to do something about that whole unfinished issue between them.