House of the Damned

The Impulse

Seventeen
The Impulse

“It’s because I’m suicidal, isn’t it?” I say as the dream begins to take shape.

Tonight’s setting is Kate’s old bedroom. She’s lying on her old bed facing the ceiling. Her skin looks paler than usual against the blood red of the comforter. I take a seat at the foot of the bed, glancing around the room. The walls are a dark wood, the floor matches. The room was always poorly lit and my dream doesn’t change that. Given one word to describe the room, I would say dark. It somewhat matches Kate’s personality.

“I didn’t come to you for help because you want to die. I came to you for help because I know that you don’t care if you do.”

“What’s the difference?”

“One means you’re actively trying to kill yourself. The other means apathy towards the end result. Frankly, I’d prefer it if you were the latter, but I can’t change that.” She sits up and looks at me. I feel like there are more grey streaks in it than there were the last time I saw her.

I shrug. “I haven’t been actively trying in a while…”

Not since Michael showed up, though I did stop a little bit before then. He’s not the reason I stopped trying to kill myself, he’s simply the reason that I haven’t started trying again.

“I find that hard to believe, Cassie. If it’s true though, that’s great.” She pauses a moment to meet my eyes before asking her next question. “So do you have a plan?”

“Of sorts. To have a plan, I’d kind of need to know where the contracts are. I don’t have that knowledge, so right now I’m just thinking…” I sigh. “This is going to be a hell of a lot of work. That’s a lot of contracts, Kate. You know that, don’t you?”

She nods. “A lot of people have sold their soul to Venus. How many contracts do you plan to burn?”

“All of them,” I answer bluntly.

Her eyes widen in surprise. “All of them. Shit, Cassie. That’s going to be nearly impossible.”

I shrug. “I know. But isn’t it what you want me to do? You don’t want to ask, but it’s what you’ve been hoping that I’ll do, isn’t it?”

She sighs. “Yes, I want that to happen, but I don’t really want you to be the one who does it. It’s risky, dangerous, suicidal,” she puts emphasis on the last word.

I smile bitterly. “I know, Kate. I know damn well what the risks are. It’s why I’m not going to let Michael help me, even though he wants to.”

“If you don’t have help, your contract won’t be burnt and then you’ll pretty much be eternally damned.”

“I know. And I will have help, just not from Michael. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to go to Ian for help.”

“Ian?”

I nod and explain that he’s at the house now. She flinches at my explanation, sympathetic friend that she is.

“Good luck with that situation. I can’t imagine how much it must suck.”

“Not too bad, but I’ve been avoiding him, so…”

She nods in understanding. “I’d probably do the same thing in your shoes. Good luck, Cassie. You’ll need it if you insist on burning all of the contracts. I really don’t think you understand how many there are.”

“It’s irrelevant. Those souls shouldn’t be damned. None of them sold their souls for anything selfish, like with the other demons. They all did it to save someone. Some of them didn’t even sell their own souls. I have to burn those contracts, all of them, because I have to free those souls.”