To All The Boys I've Loved Before

BONUS: 1.6 Talon Rhodes

TALON RHODES

Throughout Ava's years of adolescence, beginning in the fifth grade all the way to high school levels, she struggled with obtaining the ability to truly see beauty within her own true form. From age eleven, Ava began to take notice upon the difference in her body frame – broad shoulders, wide waist, and thick legs – compared to other middle school girls, whom were on the thin, tall, and skinny side.

While most girls were coating their face in powder foundation and jet black eyeliner and styling their hair with straighteners and curling irons, Ava's complexion was speckled in light pink splotches of acne, and her hair was stuck in its natural frizzy curl. It didn't take advanced vision for Ava to understand boys were more attracted to girls who compelled the ability to imitate models in social media and films. Lacking twenty-twenty vision, with or without her glasses perched on her nose; Ava knew she would never fit the standards of grade school boys – or any boy for that. Hell, Ava knew if she couldn't fit the standard appearance for the opposite sex, then there was no way at all, she too, could fit her own wild standards.

Ava was oblivious to the knowledge of others opinions were irrelevant, her own self-image and care being the relevancy in her life; only believing, her true opinion of her own identity and purpose could come of how others perceived her – and lets' face it, all Ava Grace wanted, was adoration and affection.

So once eighth grade roamed around the year following and Ava's braces were removed, on top of learning how to straighten her hair, Ava attempted to perfect the standards of 'beauty' she truly sought – even if it wasn't her own persona or idea. She ate less and less, and worked harder during Track and Cross Country, using all her might to shed just a few pounds to mirror the girls she saw boys lust after.

She continued this throughout her high school years, changing her self-image, just to be accepted and wanted by the next boy she pursued. These boys took absolute interest in young Ava, solely for the purpose they understood she could be transformed from one version of Barbie to the other. They could see the struggle of feeling lost within her being, and took advantage of knowing she would willingly change herself for the sake of them.

Ava Grace was any boys' personal doll – toy. A toy they could mold into their own idealistic female form and use as they pleased until eventually she wore then tore.

It wasn't until the age of seventeen when Talon Rhodes strode up her driveway and into her life. Ava was throwing a Friday Night Bonfire for her friends, since they all recently just graduated from high school. Teenagers were sprawled across lawn chairs and logs with plastic mismatched cups from the dollar store containing random alcoholic beverages they snuck from their parents' cabinets. The latest soundtrack to Project X was playing from the CD player in the background while each group engaged in their own conversation.

Talon Rhodes had been a friend of a friend Ava met months back at a rival party. There were lots of mindless teens running about Ava's bonfire so she was accustomed to new faces lingering in her gaze. It was the frizzy black mass of hair atop of smooth caramel skin that had caught Ava's eye – along with the fact the boy beside him too resembled his every being.

Twins.

The twin on her right was accompanied with a female by his side but the one capturing Ava's locked eyes was the one who had taken a seat beside her. He casually filled the empty spot on the bench beside Ava and took her purple cup out of her hand, taking a swig from her Jack Daniels as if she was the one babysitting the drink for him.

He had shot her a wink before placing the plastic cup back in her hand and introducing himself as, 'Talon'. She was stunned when he had spoken her own name when she responded by introducing herself, but still felt a smile twitch upon her face. Someone had known who she was.

That night they exchanged numbers, and the following morning he picked her up for breakfast at the local diner down the road. The pair had spent the whole day together and not once did Ava find herself wondering if she was his type or what his standard was. There was an aura to Talon Rhodes that radiated to Ava Grace, making her feel as if she already was her best self – yet that didn't stop her from trying to achieve greater.

After their first meeting, the two spoke every hour and saw each other every day, regardless for the extent of time – and within a month, they were dating. Ava still continued her ways to reach her ideal standard of beauty. She still didn't wear much make up since she didn't have a steady income, only purchasing powder foundation, mascara, and eyeliner and she still made sure to eat less, throw up when she could, and straighten her hair.

Talon was the first to break down her walls and see through her exterior. Even if Ava hadn't expressed to Talon about her eating and self-mutilation habits in the past, he still would have picked up on the fact she orders side meals and eats less of them, only picking at bits and pieces and moving them around her plate, and he still would have noticed her running to the bathroom after dinner to turn on the shower but not once get in.

He would bring attention to Ava's little habits and she would wave them off with the tips of her fingers. She didn't have to meet his standards, yet she struggled to meet her own – because Ava was so accustomed to changing herself, she didn't know what it was like to be herself.

Ava didn't see it then, but he helped her in more ways than she would know.

It wasn't until the sixth month of their relationship did Talon begin to change her ways. He brought attention to her eating habits, making effort to cook her meals and order her food when they went out. He complimented her every chance he had, to make her know she was perfect the way she was.

He showed her the importance of health and exercise, taking her on runs and hikes. He took her to theme parks and spent nights bundled together on the couch watching Disney singalongs. He was her saving grace, filling the hole Ava had at the bottom of her heart.

Slowly but surely, in the tiniest of ways, Ava grew to love herself, forgetting her attempts to be someone she was not. When it came to Talon she didn't care about what clothing she wore and face, nor did she care if she snorted and cried. There were no embarrassments or insecurities. Just Ava Grace.

Talon Rhodes helped Ava love herself. Or so she had thought –

because once exhaustion overtook Talon, he called it quits. It frustrated him that Ava wouldn't eat as much as he wanted and it frustrated him she had low self-esteem. He wanted to be with someone who could take care of herself, and Ava wasn't that person. He made Ava seem like she was perfectly fine and well taken care of, when in reality she wasn't.

Ava was too dependent on Talon that once he descended down her driveway with his cardboard box of things, her heart was stuffed at the bottom corner.